As the darkness looms like a mighty beast
seeking a soul in which to devour,
a shadowing predator preparing to feast
closing in for the kill of my darkest hour.
Whispering voices chant inside my head
a clever part of his plan to deceive,
You know its the answer you're better off dead
from this life of agony you'll soon be relieved.
Clasping ears tightly to muffle the voices
while exhaling with a shrilling scream,
"Is this my destiny? Are there other choices?
Oh God!! Please wake me from this nightmarish dream."
Through torrential tears I reach upward for hope
a glint of light sparked the top of this tunnel,
but the demon of darkness was as slippery as soap
in his grasp I fell circling back down through the funnel.
Now hovering over me with his ebony cape
my soul not willing to concede,
demons chanting "This is your only escape"
upon my tortured remains he was ready to feed.
While watching the hungry shadow begin his ravage
and suck from me the very last breath,
profound truth sank in he was a devilish savage
Again I reach for the light to save me from death.
This time not a glint but a most radiant beam
seared a hole right straight through his heart,
defeating that demon the victory was deemed
in the land of the living I was once again part.
The eye piercing light so majestically flowing
entered my mouth traveling down to my lungs,
as if transparent through my skin began glowing
from the rise of my chest up to the tip of my tongue.
Breathing back into me the breath of life
from the devourer I had been set free,
a voice gently speaking "Its not the end of your strife
he's sure to come back this warning please heed".
With jubilant cries I accepted Jesus that night
arming myself with his word and spirit,
when darkness comes lurking I reach out for the light
and my father's loving voice I'll know when I hear it.
Author notes
I wrote this for a friend who has been swallowed up by darkness for some time now. To him I would say life is worth living because of Jesus. And if you end your life there will be no second chances and all will be lost. So i hope this will inspire you to stop and think what would happen if you decided to choose life........
A contest entry
- 2006 Prewrites by Virgoan.
500 points, ended October 7, 2007, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - " Life From The Dark Side " by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended June 3, 2008, 35 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The WRESTLE with GOOD and EVIL #91 Winklings and all friends by Lyndon.
3900 points, ended June 27, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Protect Life by Arkbear.
3300 points, ended July 16, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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i could just picture death chasing after you down that tunnel i do believe your friend would get a wake up call it was so scarey and final i am glad your friend started to write again in a brighter lighter way
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Yes, life is worth living because of Jesus and the hope that is eternal.
Very powerful write.
- jo -
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Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: Reach For The Light
This piece tugged hard at my Spirit, I read Your words several times and I imagine there are others who could relate and have been there-some still in battle looking for the Light- some not allowing their Heart- Spirit to accept it but Bravo to You for having Faith- also instilling Belief- giving Him a chance and passing on Your message- Love the rhyme I'm Blessed You are here
Excellent Voice to Inspire
Powerful images You have brought forth
Thank You for sharing Your Heart also Spirit!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
and much love & light~ Desire~*~
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You are a good friend to be there for him/her I hope I can be there if I am needed.
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We are there
He so reaches to all with love through the hands of our fasmily and friends .WE bring his message and love with our touch and he speaks through us often . I so hope this does help your friend for if he only knew how many truly loves him dont find this out by looking back find this by going forward and walk with God he will show you the way -
I'm well impressed by this Toni.
Sometimes rhyming on more serious subjects, I find, can seem to trivialise the write. In this case you've worked a poem with great strength and the rhyming just sits in place like it's just naturally there as a secondary completion without interrupting the meaning at all. I think this is quite an accomplishment and this battle of Light against Dark comes vividly before our eyes.
'The eye piercing light so majestically flowing
entered my mouth travel(l)ing down to my lungs, - typo
as if transparent through my skin began glowing
from the rise of my chest up to the tip of my tongue.'
This part makes most impact on me, visualisations of such an event can appear in different forms but I have no doubt at all that such transformations through divine grace can and do take place.
Excellent poem!
Sol
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Truly admirable your flow and imagery ... spectacular in fact. Message clear with a story that I feel could attach to the culture of today's youth.
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very good write, loved the metaphors and cannot help but feel the personal voice of true life experience and it's valueable lesson being in the voice of these words very nicely done
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Nice job. I hope your friend has come through his dark times and is tempered by his experience. I like this poem from beginning to end.
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Wow.....this is such a wonderful piece of insight and truly a light for all to see ~
I really enjoyed it.........and this says it most...>>>>>
With jubilant cries I accepted Jesus that night
arming myself with his word and spirit,
when darkness comes lurking I reach out for the light
and my father's loving voice I'll know when I hear it.Oh bless you.......be still and listen!
God bless,
Bear ~
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Okay.
With two things in mind: our contest and your poem, I must say I share my colleague, Pamela's point of view.
You do know how to use imagery.
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there is much power in this poem and it speaks quite clearly to the good vs evil prompt in this contest. Nice work.
Couple of things...
"You know its the answer your better off dead"
its should be it's and your should be you're.
Oh God!! Please wake me from this nightmarish dream".
Quotation mark goes outside of period.
Wonderful imagery with strong visuals presented. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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This was very moving very Deep and dark, some times realy sad.
But you used the Dark side and went realy Deep to bring out a beautiful end to a poem that for sure to be disasterous.
The last verse was realy a suprise but a very welcome one. Because Jesus is always the answer.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest. -
this is an extrememly powerful piece! I truely enjoyed reading it, but I do not see a bronze attached to it, sorry
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Well done indeed. The start with all hope lost as in life it seems so often. But in true faith hope found again.
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Chilling & Revealing!
I've been in this place & am still tempted by the adversary's darkness! I felt as though I was reliving one of those times as I read this. I'm so glad to see that the poem ended in the proper Light! This is a wonderful read, even though I understand a different theology in some points. He's not willing that anyone be lost. He doesn't give us second chances, but He will give everyone who hasn't outright denied Him an opportunity to learn His Truth. Not everyone is being called now. Do hope your friend chooses to come out of the dark & into His Light!
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Great job. I really like it. I like the whole idea. You did amazing with the rhyme scheme. Thanks for entering my contest
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wow...im awe struck this is really good... thank you for entering my contest and i really enjoyed reading your poem and i cant pick just one favorite part i liked it all lo
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Congratulations on reaching the finalist stage of our contest with this very powerful piece if poetry.
Please join us in the final contest of the series. You may enter two poems, must be new writes, pre-writes will be DQ'd. We look forward to reading more from you.
Sue and Jeff -
Excellent
Excellent write here. Wow you captured this extremely well, spiritual warfare. I loved this poem and I feel so honored to have had the privilege to read it. The insanity of the enemy and the glory and freedom that comes from seeing the light of God. The imagery of you accepting the Lord was awesome, perfect!! The imagery through the whole poem was excellent and the flow was flawless. Excellent write you should have gotten GOLD!
Love you and many blessings coming your way in this New Year ahead of us!! Happy New Year
Kelle Marie, your sister in Christ
stavykm
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I like this one. I can feel the struggle of this person trying to reach the light but every time almost gets consumed by darkness. Never give up! And I hope it helped your friend.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, indeed. There's always a hand out there to help us!
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This is my first time to read this poem. I will be re-reading all the entries like I usually do.
Initial score = 9.5
Thanks for sharing and keep on writing my friend.
VIRGOAN -
This was a good piece. It read very well. A lot of vivid imagery here. It told a nice story and described a lot of situations that would cause fear for someone who has known fear, but not so for someone who has never known fear.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck. -
Very good. I find it interesting how this is a dark poem "showing the light" Very good indeed on a sort of tough subject ya know. Thank you for enetering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
aleXox. LIFE IS OUR REFLECTION...
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I like how you wrote this and I'm sure it will help your friend. I've been in the same place as your friend, but still this poem is not something for me because of its religious undertones. That just doesn't do anything for me, but hopefully it will to your friend.
The best part of this piece is how well you describe hope. Very strong and dark, and I hope your friend enjoys(enjoyed) it! -
Interesting, dark write giving a certain shade of light. Well done
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
Wow
Dark write but a strong show of faith at the ending. To hope for a better here after -
very interresting story.
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Very good write
Yes I hope this helps your friend to and to feel this way in this life then letting go of life wont get you to the place you dream of only God can do that but you see it has to be on Gods time so reach out to him and he will send those to be around you to see that you find your way
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Bravo...to see the truth is difficult. Some say there isn't objective trough, others just can't see it for their eyes are (figuratively) closed. This poem oozes with truth, both of the physical and spiritual.
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well!!
it is about death right!! well done but I still feel we fight evil to find heaven.
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this is great!!
this shows something we all struggle with and it called evil thoughts we are alway fighting the evil.
we fight to be good. and we want God and Jesus to love us. that what I think this poems reminds me of. -
Liked the excellent rhythm and rhyme in these lines, the message you share, the support and guidance you give to this friend through these words. Hope it helped them as it has helped you.
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could not stop reading
powerful words were written by a powerful peron
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absolutely breathtaking......i
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this was ad. i read the author's note and i hae to say good for him to turn to god for help. i myself am not ....that of a beliver but i support it for those who are. this is a greta tribute to your friend. very admirable job.
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Very lovely religious write
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Well written
The form and tone are on point. The use of deceit and darkness for the devil was very strong as of course the devil is often called a lion, a beast, a deceiver.
I liked the rthym of the poem and your style of writing. As a Christian its very inspirational. I often have difficulty writing poems about God for some reason, I have issues with the relationship I have with God so to read about pure and unadulterated devotion to the Lord is definately inspiring.
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It always enlightens me when someone brings forth the light in this manner. When writing becomes a force to help instead of destroy there is great power in the pen. You have shown that as if the "sword has hit the land", I do hope your words, truly written (in my opinion) touched the spirit of your friend and your witness brought him or her to a revelation that soothes the soul with peace. This is extraordinary. I have never thought that suicide was a way out. A way out to what has always been my question. I would rather face my demons than give them the ability to crush my spirit. This is generous of you. You will receive many blessings for simply showing unconditional love, true friendship, and compassion.
AN
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FINALISTORZZZ!!!!!!
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Very creatively written. A wonderful rhyme and rhythm leading us on quite a journey, a dark and sad piece, but with such an impacting message. Makes me wonder actually if all who commit suicide would actually do it if they truly saw what effect it had on everyones lives they've touched. This really provoked some thought in me and as I said, creative and well written! My pleasure to read of course! ~Tia
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I believe, personally, that suicide can be beauriful. That its not only a choice but a desire at times.
Your friend may be in the dark-but to live isnt for jesus.. its for himself.
Its a very well written poem and you did very well....thanks for entering
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Wonderful Work
This is such a brilliantly-written piece of work. It is dark and foreboding, yet gives hope, at the end of it. The imagery is brilliant and the words are something else. Well done for this. This is wonderful.
Wayne
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You write very well..clever imagery and great word choices. ~Pastel
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What Can I say Toni ?
This is a work of art - right from the heart - the rhyme and the flow excellent - I read all the other comments before commenting and to them I say AMEN - you have done a marvelous job on this one - "Satan comes to destroy but Jesus delivers us from fowler's snare" Bless God Toni - Joe
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i have to say not only is this poem great but all of your poetry is spectacular..you got a great style and i enjoy reading your poetry more than any others i have seen. you're a great poet..keep it up!!
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i love this! what a tale of suspense! sure to keep kids on the edge of their seats while instilling this lesson: Breathing back into me the breath of life
from the devourer I had been set free,
a voice gently speaking "Its not the end of your strife
he's sure to come back this warning please heed".
With jubilant cries I accepted Jesus that night
arming myself with his word and spirit,
when darkness comes lurking I reach out for the light
and my father's loving voice I'll know when I hear it.
Fantastic write! AMEN! thank you for sharing this! keep writing! God bless you always
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I really love this poem it is amazing. It speaks such truths that I wish with all my heart that more hurting people out there could understand...that in the dark, when everything in life is wrong, there is a reason to live, to stay, to persevere and that is Jesus. It flows so well and i love it. I also love the background music.
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Just another excellent masterpiece. I am in awe that you have such a talent to express things so well. I would love to be able to express my feelings as you do. You have a God given talent my friend. Thanks for sharing. Melody
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Very Good
Breathing back into me the breath of life
from the devourer I had been set free,
a voice gently speaking "Its not the end of your strife
he's sure to come back this warning please heed".
With jubilant cries I accepted Jesus that night
I appreate your faith and the words you made
Rick
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Wow, its perfect, you would connect with the person on a level they would understand then speak truth into a chaotic mind, until light is all that remains, well done, never had ending my life, but I could almost place my self in the situation and know exactly where you were comming from. very descriptive and great use of vocabulary. - Jacen.
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Simply beautifull
An excellent piece filled with darkness, fear , hope & faith. One of your finest writes my friend
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I don't even know what to say... This was one of the most touching poems I've ever read. And you did all this trouble... For me...
I never read anything that gave me such a strong feeling inside. The words you used, the sentences you formed with them... I swear I almost cried. You really did an amazing job, and I thank you for it. With all my heart.
Great write
tnhx again
Phaethon
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Touching write
This certainly has many things and darkness with its demons are no pleasure or satisfaction for the soul.I appreciated your write and thank you for sharing. Jules.
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Very good
Hopelessness is a deep, dark well that can engulf the soul of an unbeliever. But Christ is able to penetrate the darkness and fill the spirit with God's effulgent light.Bravo...well done.
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This is a very deep write my friend. You have done wonderful with this write. I will be praying for him. Keep the faith.
God bless you.
IN Christ Jesus,
Tabitha -
This made me cry. I am a tough critic and very few poems on this site can get to me like this one did.
Okay, I'm not saying to do this, I'm just giving you an example of how it could flow a bit better.
He hovers above with his ebony cape
My soul not willing to concede
The demons all chant "It's your only escape"
Upon my remains he was ready to feed(instead of "feast" - the other stanzas are abab rhyme scheme)
okay, thanks for the great read, catch you later:
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Glad you caught that. I actually meant to write feed instead of feast. I was transferring it from my laptop to my home computer since I don't have internet on my laptop yet....lol...but will soon. Thanks again!!!
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kick him where it hurts. spit in his eye. you write well talking toni. its just the rustynite passing by.
you say your words with passion. i heard your heart speak to me. keep talking toni. keep telling your heart. smile.
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Spiritually strong words of hope
Anxiety disorder is pandemic no doubt but with hope and refocusing energy towards real goals and accomplishments there is a foundation upon which to build anew.
Full of hope and humility.
Namaste.
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LO-AMO
National Gallery of Art Father's loving voice I'll know when I hear it. LO-AMO.SALUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
I think the most moving statement is "With jubilany cries I accepted Jesus that night
arming myself with his word and spirit,
when darkness comes lurking I reach out for the light
and my father's loving voice I'll know when I hear it." it was very moving...
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