A friend asked me why I run, not being
a runner, she could not understand the attraction,
the addiction that jumps me in the morning;
once compared to lovemaking without love,
it lures me to wake and seek the low
constant high of the single body alone,
to feel in every restless cell, every fiber,
the molecules slamming into each other,
pulsating through miles
of veins, miles of roads
pounding against soles, atoms
of air pouring out and in
turning the great windmill in my chest,
the burning of muscles, tendons
as they clench, then release,
the mind at peace in the quiet storm of self.
A seductive wind, an old love in my ears,
the long years jarring in my knees, I measure
the distance in droplets, rain or sweat
collecting in pores, and pinpoint
the precise location
of each hair, raised by the sun,
a lover's touch on my arm.
Inside my shoes, inside my skull,
cortex and lobes rushed
with oxygen, neurons firing bits
of conversation, synapse of memory,
a classic song---
"Superstar" or "Satisfaction"---
chasing my shadow, ageless and trim
the sun rising or setting behind me
my head fills with words
wanting to escape
like salt through my skin.
Author notes
Inspired by the poem by Sharon Olds, "Sex Without Love".
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Interesting look inside the mind of a runner and the reasons for their love of it. Especially loved the comparisons to "lovemaking without love" inxluding "A seductive wind" and relating the sun to "a lover's touch". Very nice!
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I loved the first stanza. You have some tantalizing imagery in this piece that makes me want to, surprisingly enough, exercise (which is not-so-secretly the bane of my existence lol). Like salt through skin. A simple line but incredibly expressive.
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absolutely brilliant..
Feck, where do I begin? I am in awe... No kidding, from beginning to end you had me. You have captured the essence of "running" in this piece..from the images/thoughts in your head, through the chemistry. I dig "the long years jarring in my knees"..and "a classic song.." And of course, "words waiting to escape".. You got it all in this one. Bravo Counselor! Bravo!
Mat
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Powerful write, and I know the exhilarating feeling you're describing. The flow of it all was indeed similar to running; it had me at a constant quick pace and I fell effortlessly from the end of one line to the beginning of the next.
Enjoyed this quite a bit.
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This is fabulous. I don't think there's anyway to which you could improve this piece- it's truly astounding.
First off, I really like the introductory stanza, it seems a little bit of a different structure than the remaining section of the poem, and it sets the tone very nicely.
I adore the assonance that you so wonderfully placed within the lines, I think it really does enhance the flow of the poem. The harmony doesn't become too excessive either. Just enough.
When skimming, this seems like it would be somewhat of a hefty read, but it isn't in the least bit. This has such great fluidity it makes me want to reread it.
The theme is great; it's realistic, and the imagery matched well with it.
Remarkable poem!
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Excellent
So invigorating the words here even gave me a rush a view of the feelings a love for something could bring -
A four minute mile
I saw this poem when it was at the penultimate stage, i think, it has changed a bit but so much for the better. This is a masterful effort, seamless, flawless, affirming and passionate, a song of self realization like superstar and satisfaction..likely to linger in thought for a while and resonate. Thank you...PK -
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thanks PK for looking in (again), I did revise it somewhat. "A four minute mile" is the ultimate praise. (In my prime, I needed at least two miles to wear you down)
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Why do we do anything that we do? For the love of it, the passion we have for that action, reaction. Some get that high feeling like they do when they exercise, that keeps them doing it over and over, time after time - it makes them feel good, and makes them miss it when they don't. Like the flow of this and the messags you share.
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marvelous
i clicked i comment: This is a marvelous poem needing possibly only a final edit( desire twice in last stanza i think. In college I ran for a while and got into the habit for a while an the incredible rush of pitting body against time and distance is just that: incredible and you have captured it so well here, the passion of singular dedication mind and body...yes like sex but with love of the wya it all comes together... PK
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Thanks Pete. I ran competitively in high school, recreational in college, and started up again about 2 yrs. ago. missed the high, I guess.
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intensity of life
You run to feel alive. How are you not a runner?
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that's it Bapudi. In my legs and feet, just a jogger now, but always in my heart, I am still a runner. thanks for looking in.
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well, Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it and the last line does seem off and yet without it the piece just slips, maybe a revision in that line to "i runt o keep alive the feelings" Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
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this would have been a great entry, i would end it like this:
I chase my shadow, ageless and trim
and fill my head with words
wanting to escape
like salt through my skin.
the final line doesn't really add anything that isn't already there...
nice...
al
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Yea, I think you're right AJ, the last line is over-writing it. a great contest with some great writes, sorry I missed it.
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