Standing on the edge of the road watching you go
Drive over the hill and into the snow
I stand trying to be bold
But tears are stories that must be told
I cry, because I am the broken hearted man...
Author notes
I chose option #1
A contest entry
- Lets write a lovely!! poem for your EX bf/gf by Laura.
440 points, ended May 19, 2007, 92 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Celebrating 150 by intanglio2ring.
750 points, ended May 23, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just another old fashion option contest by Beating.
1300 points, ended July 5, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love of life by Ladybug.
300 points, ended January 17, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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deep emotions here although short and sweet.
I like how state the tears must fall.
thanks for your entry
: Tamara
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Deep writing here. Full of emotion here. Short piece but very very beautiful indeed. Well done.
All the best
Wayne
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Saying goodbye is a heartbreaking moment for everybody. It may be hard but it will only make us stronger. You have done an amazing job on this piece!
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Bandits Auction #2
great emotional write. this really caught my eye...tears are stories that must be told
I cry, because I am the broken hearted man...
this brought back memories when i was young. thank you for sharing this. kep writing! God bless you always
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Wow
Thank you so much for this really amazingly nice feedback. It means a lot. Thanks once again and have a nice day.
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Well I guess i like this more than my co-judge. I'm going to bookmark it. I really enjoyed it, especially the line:
"But tears are stories that must be told" -
I think it's a nice start, but I'd like more to it.
Good luck in the contest. -
Oh! The Broken Man
Enjoy the line: tears are stories
A fine short piece that carried a very sad theme!
Thanks for the entry into my contest!
Tang
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This is so beautiful! u totally deserve the gold!! keep the pen rolling, lots and lots of love and cheers, shuvi
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Great Job!!
Wow this was a great job I hate to end my contest after one entry but this just captures so much emotion...hmm Il think.
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ohhh this is beautiful i can almost cry with you very well written and expressed indeed well done and good luck in the contest xx
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Very heartfelt write - the pain is raw and one feels the hurt as you watch your loved one drive away. Easy to read and understand how you feel.
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Intense feelings that may have never spilled over into a reality, this has the emotion of a kove that has never been closed. Love, C
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Wow.....
I wasn't really sure of what to expect.
This was a very touching poem though...and one I really enjoyed. I wonder though..."Dry Tears". My interpretation of it implies something other than the last line of your poem..but that's just from my perspective. Either way, good job =)
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This is short and sweet... to the point. I wish you would have added more to the piece though, for me, it seems too length-challenged to give off a true sense of emotion.
However, the imagery and wording is very very good. Nice job.
Also the lines are very aesthetically pleasing, they somewhat form an inverted pyramid effect, and it leaves the poem looking crisp.
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The heart does cry with pain kept deep inside a lonely man great write here
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this is so sad...
i like the way this is short and speaks less, but shows the emotion more.. such a moment has almost empty feelings... like a silent movie, with hardly any thoughts, but lots of movements... that too in a way has if time has frozen.
i really like the fourth line... and the contrast between the warm tears and the cold snow.. also the soft heart of men.. you've composed a short piece with many elements here. wonderful little piece though bitter-sweet..
bless ya!
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Thanks
Thanks so much this is one of the longest comments I have ever gotten. Thanks a ton for taking your time to write it.
Have a great day,
Alec -
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lol, no probs! it was a pleasure!
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Excellent, short but to the point. I think I would have prefered an 'a' instead of 'the' in the last line.
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wow
this was short but to the point, this was truely beautiful!!! great job
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Not to bad, intresting. In you're 4th line I think you want a be insted of me. Try to keep your lines all the same amount of syllables.
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Ok thanks
In the poem I tried to end and start the poem with the same amount of syllables.
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turn your back
and walk away. never look back tonight or another day
shower and shave spend all the time.
for you tomorrow,so rest today.
Broken hearts don't show anyway.
If any thing happens tell them your dog just died
when they find out the know you cried.
a life full of sorrow will get you nowhere.
Shape up guy put on your best hunting gear.
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This is very well written, especially considering the power it has since it is only 5 lines. One error, in the 4th line, I believe "me" should be "be" but other than that this poem is spotless, great job and good luck in that contest!!!
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Thanks
Thanks for you really kind words and your correction I will make it right now. Have a nice day.
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its short and simple...has good emotion in this write good job keep up the good work
stevie
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AWW! that's so sweet! I love it! there are too many, "my ex is a bitch" poems out there...this is lovely.
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Haha
Haha thanks you are absoloutly right I tried to make this a little more tender then others.
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*sigh* So great. I love it. Great ryhme and I like the end. Plus, it's the perfect length for me. Not to long. I always lose focus. Wonderful write!
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So sad!Great write!
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Thanks so much!!
Thanks so much for your kind words!!
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