Sea waves strike another haughty pose,
Their tin foil waters shiver like shadows of the Noh
So full of burning spleen -
They got their most precious sacrifice.
And sere sakura branches scratch the sky
Its rotting roots gently poison barren Earth -
No pink petals shimmering in moonlight,
No cherry breeze messing up her hair...
And window pains in absence of her searching eyes
Tangerine notes had long since left its gaping jaws
And ninon curtains sway longingly
Teasing lonely raindrops.
The “Sea” kanji in tiny red-ink streams
Flowing down sharp rice paper blades –
Unfinished candid words of hatred,
Bloomed arsenic flowers of her kimono -
Ah, she blundered upon the bitter truth
And shirk diplomacy became the only choice
And morbid mode of game she played
To end this farce of waiting....
- The sea would not return him back -
Author notes
Alleksa Jan
Written off a wordbank for a contest I never entered.
tin foil
morbid mode
rice paper
arsenic
rotting roots
window pains
Tangerine
Blunder
Shirk
Candid
Noh - The classical drama of Japan, with music and dance performed in a highly stylized manner by elaborately dressed performers on an almost bare stage.
Kanji - A system of Japanese writing using Chinese-derived characters and a character in this system.
And a little side note - In Japan (and possibly China) writing someone's name in red ink means he/she is dead or you want them to die - an enemy.
Definetely needs work... So critique is welcome
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is something completely different to what I have read this day, something about the imagery and the lessons of another culture fascinates me about this.... well written, the imagery and the explanations flawless
Karen
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Hi Jan,
Honestly...I have read over this a half dozen times...I don't think I understand three quarters of it, and yet I like it SO MUCH! That last line just hit me like an emotionally roller coaster the first time I read it, and continued with every read-through.
Your author notes were very helpful, as I am largely unfamiliar with Japanese and/or Chinese culture. You have such a rich background of vocabulary and knowledge, which shows splendidly in the imagery you provide, as in the line:
"And sere sakura branches scratch the sky"
And, I loved this line:
"Its rotting roots gently poison barren Earth"
Who would ever consider poisoning could be "gentle"? Yet it works so well here, making it seem almost like a mercy killing.
The only thing I'm wondering about is the word "shirk". I'm only familiar with it as meaning to avoid something, so it didn't quite make sense to me the way you've used it. Perhaps there is another meaning I'm not aware of?
I believe poetry does not have to be completely understood to be enjoyed or of great value to the reader. There are many, many poems by some of the greatest poets, that I have sat and pondered over for months, if not years. Each time I read, I find some new meaning I missed before, or am struck by a new emotion. This poem leaves me feeling bereft, and yet...I almost sense a touch of cynicism perhaps...??? In any case, this is one I am sure to read again and again, picking up different nuances each time. I love it when a poet can make me THINK, which you always seem to do.
Beautiful work, and I hope you won't mind if I add it to my list of favorites by other poets.
With love and
s
~J.
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Dear Trista,
First off - you are very merciful and gentle with your words. If faced witht the same situation - when I cannot grasp the idea someone is pushing on to me - I would've ceratinly felt frustration enough to either explode in rant or simply refrain from commenting. SO I was very surprised to read that you liked the poem. That seemed a paradox to me. No, I'm not saying that myself I've never liked something I don't understand - I do. I love the universe (there is no way for my tiny mind even to attempt at understanding its vastness), I like Kafka (his writings are strange - but strange appleals to me like nothing else) - many other things. But still...
I love oriental culture - it is full of mystery and is shocking and appealing at the same time. I don't know whether I have already told you but given my way I would've definetely gone into oriental studies. Anyways.
Shirk diplomacy - means open informal diplomacy, I don't know whether that would be of any help.
I cannot say for sure whether I think that Poetry doesn't have to be understood 100%...
You know, there is an interesting Latin saying - "Si non vis intelligi, non debes legi" which means that "If you don't want to be understood, then there is no use in reading you (your works)". You, like no one else knows how selfish and cynical my writing has become - presently I don't make any effort to be understood or interpreted the right way - I merely photocopy the images off my mind and file them carelessly. That is not right, but that's how it is for now. This is all rubbish, what I write. What really amazes me how much sense you are able to scrape up from my chaotic poetic musings.
And nonetheless...Goethe said that "There are writings (books), from which we learn of all things but understand nothing" - I quote this not to justify my egotism, (because this saying doesn't apply to my poetry in ANY way) I wanted to share this aphorism with you because, indeed, there are a great amount of unknown classics out there who teach us many things of which we don't get anything. Their ideas are like sparkling diamonds hidden deep underneath the tons of ore, which you need to get though first.
I'm getting too long and vague. Forgive me that - today I'm in ranting/writing mood.
A simple "thank you" for all your support seems rude - so I take a bow.
With Love,
Jan
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Good job on this. This was very expressive && meaningful. It has a lot going for it.
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very nice
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my first taste of this kind of poetry
given the play in which it came from, one serving of thiswas great not knowin what I had nibbling at me was s bit of a fright. good form , maybe a different serving of different main dish it might taste better. I must say it was something one should try before they discard the whle dish. ai am funning with your poem . It sure did have a bit of a bite to it
I tip my cup of milk to you , with no second servings cheers to you.
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Well, in return I should say that your comment was something of gourmet item as well.
I had a time deciphering your piquant metaphors - very tasty/thanks! Generally speaking, what I cook is hardly edible as I have a tendency to spice it up to much - almost to the point when the whole entree becomes vapid and dim.
I'm very grateful for taking time to "taste" and comment on the poem.
Regards,
Jan
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