I love you,
But you don't love me.
I'm dying inside,
But I won't let you see.
With a river of tears,
On the pillow case.
Caught up in memories,
Of your embrace.
I love you,
But you don't love me.
I'm drowning in a pool,
Of sweet misery.
Drink it up,
Just one more.
Till I'm numb inside,
Laying on the floor.
I love you,
But you don't love me.
Don't try to help,
Just let me be.
With bloodshot eyes,
And alcohol on my breath.
I fear I'm drinking,
My life to death.
I love you,
But you don't love me.
You locked my heart up,
And threw away the key.
You have torn,
My life apart.
So I tip another,
And drink my heart.
I love you,
But you don't love me.
My heart is suffocating,
Please set it free.
I'm ready to smile,
This time for real.
But I can't stop drinking,
There's too much to feel.
Author notes
I know this isn't one of my best pieces, but I'm still quite proud of it....and it's very personal to my life, so that makes me even prouder. I hope you like it.....
A contest entry
- Poems That Rhyme - Three Days Only by CitrineSunrise.
800 points, ended May 14, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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nice write. i like it a lot. it makes you think.
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I really liked this write. I've been there and while reading this poem i felt it again, that anxious panic that i get it feels like your chest is caving in, only hushed by the awesome powers of alcohol. You did a great job.
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i KaN tOtAlY rElAtE!!!i DrInK aWaY dA pAiN!!gReAt PoEm!!...CHeCk OuT mY pOeMs 2!!.
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Awesome
It is very awesome. I like it alot. I can tell how personal it is to you, because I can hear your heart between the words. Thank you for entering, and Good Luck. -
this is a very sad, yet meaningful poem!! it shows the reality of feelings, and even though it may not be your best work, it is still extremely good!
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i got your link through one of your contests....and from the contest i could figure that i should read some of your poetry....and i am not disappointed... i like this poem a lot...it's fast and filled with very good imagery... beautiful work girl
Luv
VidZ
P.S sorry can't applaud....don't have points to do that -
Beautifully captivating
So pleased to see a trophy on this fine piece. Well done and congratulations! Deserving of this and so much more. ~Pamela
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This poem is sad and expresses our need to self-medicate when the pain becomes to much to handle. The short lines added to the immediacy of the problem. Thank you for entering this contest.
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I think this is fantastic! A very emotional poem, heartfelt and has a lot of meaning in it! It's one of the worst feelings in the world when you love someone but they dont return it! All the best!
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You've wrote something that I think alot of people are going to be able to relate to, and you wrote it extremely well.
This really made me feel, it was more than words for me. It's so hard to love someone who doesn't love you back.
I'm realy glad I took the time to read this.
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Awsome.
This sent shivers down my spine simply because i can relate a little to how you feel. not in all the same ways but definately the lines,
"I'm ready to smile,
This time for real.
But I can't stop drinking,
There's too much to feel."
The emotions just seeped out of this piece and you should be proud! its amazing work.
~Tear~
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I can relate alot because that's all I been doing for weeks now. Drinking just enough to feel it so I'll put on a smile and laugh when I'm spose to though I'm still in love with the worst guy I could be in love with. Your repeated beautiful and I can see why your proud.
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This is a testimony for all those that have loved and lost, it's actually put me in a very reflective mood and thats the skill behind this poem, that it can actually do this to the reader. Well done.
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Nice rhyme and meter in this and a lot of emotion. The short lines give it a good rhythm. Nice work. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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OMG chica this will so be me on friday its my birthday right and I had a fiance up until now today he left me he signed off on our lease and come june I will live just me and my daughter again I was a single mom for 2yrs before I met him and this was my biggest fear. He never eccepted my daughter and after a while once we moved in together he threw it all in my face being married and divorced with a baby before the age of 25. Oh well he ruined my birthday and mothers day. So this poem was brillianlty written and this will be me on friday!!!!!!
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don't let a man ruin all that for you....he's about as retarded as the guy that just left me. If he couldn't accept your daughter he doesn't need you anyhow...you are a packaged deal. All you need in life sweetie is you and your baby...you don't need a man if you have each other you'll be okay. I lecture this same thing to myself, but it doesn't help so i don't know why i'm lecturing you lol....anyways, chin up babydoll. You're beautiful...inside and out,and eventually a man will see that and want to keep it forever!
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I think this is a wonderful piece Jess. I know you are going through a lot right now, just remember you have other things to live for...your family, friends, Jenna. Everything will work out sis, even if it doesn't feel that way now. I'm always here for you, no matter what.
<333 -
This is good, I did feel you held something back here, or at least you found that what you wanted to say somehow could not be put down in words.
That doesn't have to be a criticism - as long as for you the author it works, that is the main thing.
It is well written though - the nature of any long piece that is split into verses is that as a reader you are drawn to more then others.
I think some individual lines really sum it up - and the whole piece had some excellent language.
Great piece.
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I love poetry that is dripping with emotions, so real that you can relate to every heart wrenching line: the ones that make you cry, the ones that make you feel, the ones that simply take your breath away! How you've repeatedly used "I love you, But you don't love me" is more effective then you probably even realise and you should be proud of it! Excellent piece of writing
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Very personal and honest. I can relate.. Great poem.
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A very heartfelt write, honest and touching. I can relate to this emotionally as a poem about hurt and also as a poem about the oblivion of alcoholism.
Bill
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very well done, it is a bit cliche but besides that i dont think i coudve done better, very personal and painful but still pretty good,
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Your rhyme was not forced which gave it a freeflowing feeling,the repetition worked like a hook line within lyrics,the piece exposes the depth of emotion with imagery and the angst was felt,how love may wound us and in turn cause us to compound those wounds with wine to whine too,many readers will relate to this poignant piece of penmanship straight from the heart and appreciate the ache in needing to heal and to feel anything,anything but the sorrow of yesterday affecting each day and disaffecting tomorrow
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wonderful
i can relate.. this was beautiful, and honest, and had a powerful message in it, as a confession. the rhyme was done very well, i find it hard to rhyme much in my writes. it was very smooth and flowed well. it's a thinker for sure. laterz, pleasant days
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Well I think this is a part of everyone some time or another... Well done and thank you for sharing!
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very insightful.
This is actually a very good representation of what love is like.It isnt all roses and sugar.For the most part it hurts and can sometimes make you wish you could die.
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Sweet And Sad
Very realistic and the flow is good. A few cliches here and there, but they are rooted in truth. An honest cry of the heart. Very well done.
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Oh I Understand
I can identify rather too strongly with this. 3 years on and no change here. I wish for better luck for you. xx
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Wonderful!!
I love you,
But you don't love me.
You locked my heart up,
And threw away the key.
You have torn,
My life apart.
So I tip another,
And drink my heart.
Yep I can relate!
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This is very sad, but nicely written. I know a few people who are like this when they've gotten their hearts ripped out. *sigh* It all takes time, and we all have our ways and vices to deal.
Sel~
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This is a brilliant work, inspite of the shades of darkness in its tone. What I like is the way you have executed it with conviction, depth and honesty. This is naive and the true voice of the heart. It's heart-touching simply because it is truly heartfelt. I admire the way you have poured this out on paper. Keep rocking.
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wow this screams out with emotion and left me wuite sad to be honest...this is an amazing person poem well done to you xxx
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Very Good
This poem is deep. it shows true feeling in it. I look forward to see more of your work. if you would like you can take a look at mine too. well keep up the good work.
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you have summed up my life minus the drinking lol kudos on this lovely write my dear.
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"With a river of tears,
On the pillow case.
Caught up in memories,
Of your embrace."
The flow is amazing, and those above four lines really hit me. It's not even in this love-hate sort of thing that I can relate to... it's just being left broken inside and out and covering all my hurt with drugs, alcohol, pills.
I'm sorry that you can write a piece of this context, but it's so beautiful. It's perfect. Take care of yourself, and I mean that.
Slam.
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Good
I thought it was extremely good. Keep up the good work.
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Oh awesome write!
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