"PENDOLINO"
Cold, long, metallic,
it snakes along iron tracks,
nears dawn's commuters,
contemptuous, gloried,
its crimson body glinting.
With black eyes shining,
speeding across metal lines,
its vast form departs.
Passers-by stand, stare, transfixed,
cold air blasting their faces.
"BRITISH RAIL CLASS 142"
(to be read alongside "Pendolino")
Slug-like and yellow,
Merseyrail's sad offering
sulks, old and broken,
by Virgin's latest model,
on fuel-stained tracks of decay.
Passengers grimace,
in its unsightly cabins
as it rattles down
rickety, uneven tracks,
into the deserted night.
Author notes
Both poems should be read together. Each are a set of two tanka's (syllable count: 5/7/5/77).
Comments
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This is great, I love the comparison of these two vehicles. It is like a study of class disparity through modes of transport. I know not these trains of which you speak but I like trains. (Sorry, sometimes I like to sound infantile). (Yes...sound). The ending is particularly striking in both, each one is stark. Especially
as it rattles down
rickety, uneven tracks,
into the deserted night.
The only change I might suggest would be to alter
on fuel-stained tracks of decay.
to
on decaying, fuel-stained tracks
only because, as it is, it sounds a bit awkward and adolescent (that could just be my taste though).
Other than that a fine study of ye olde locomotives.
God, I hate dickheads that use old English amidst everyday speech.
TTFN,
K. F.
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