Land locked, docked again
The rage is simple
On return,
But nothing else is
Like sympathy, heads turned eyes down,
Her Name whispered
As if it were an ancient rune
A tune never sung.
And first the curl
The lock,
Only the scent of the sea,
And return
As always,
That’s how she would be
He believes
Crossing the tiny street to the tavern
On weary feet.
Another deep wet Cavern
Another well worn seat
Varnished with the years
Or Time’s deceit-
The same-
Said the bartender looking at his feet.
And the children-gone too-
Staring straight into the ale
At memory,
Golden knives now; that cannot be turned away
Or denied, or dealt again in the game.
The Same? Said the bartender
Burly with conceit
The First, still on the bar
Filled with a child’s face,
Or helpless love,
A hot candle flickering in a light breeze
Talking to the mate on the warm sea,
At night,
Of home and family
He nods, and drains the first, and sigh
And clunk, and slosh
The second set of memory, you see
Though it’s dark,
Then
Then
It was bright,
The golden ale
No, her voice; it’s all confused
And now it’s dark
The First lies half empty on the bar
The Second is untouched
As the barman wipes away the tear.
Author notes
Written July 25th, 2003
In a list
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Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Brings to mind a breed of celtic music I enjoy. well done, friend.
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Awesome
and I see a fellow poet mentioned Bedford this could be any port in the New England area..
very well done I could feel the sea..
you can be sure I will be back for a visit to read more of your poems
Warmly FrozenTears -
Awesome!!! No other words would describe!!
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i really like this poem i was just wondering if u had a love and lost her or what but yes i really enjoy your poem it is a masterpeice and i would love to see more of your work
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excellent poem Lute i feel like i have been dropped dead center of a jack london story... and i agree with lisa i can smell the beer... course thats probably my breath blowing back in my face... hahahaha....
excellent
billy -
I liked: how you told a compelling story, and had this thing chocked full of nuance. This was very beautiful in its description. You got a lot of talent.
I disliked: the verbosity of this. This feels long -- and it shouldn't. Perhaps you should punctuate this poem with phrases that are designed to keep my attention. -
I also thought of Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" when I read this. Your rhythm is great, your lines are poignant, and the visuals are spectacular. I like the work breaks too, it made it interesting. Well done. Keep up the good work!
~CT -
Lovely.
I love the rhythm, your use of enjambment... it's all excellent. The last line is so poignant. Nicely done. -
Splendid!
"ave one one me, and my memories, mate".
Splendid imagery and deep latent content, my friend.
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Excellent!
A very unique style, I enjoyed this piece so much
I liked the flow, I see the imagery, what a poetic touch
Keep on keep'n on, for you have skills my dear
Thank you for this great write, I appreciate that you share
Much love, Timothy The Poetic Weaver
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Very beautiful, the visuals are out of this world, a feeling of sadness that does not hold its punches, one of the best I have read in sometime, it was a great pleasure to read such a classy piece, very well done, my compliments a poem that stands out in the crowd
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i smell the beer..this could be Fall River or New Bedford, MA. Fishing towns that still lose a few ships and men every year and those that come home stop first at the pub on the docks celebrating their aliveness and cursing the fact that they're back on dry land before heading home to their wives. or it could be a complete metaphor for something else. either way, it appeals to Lisa the CoastalDweller.
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The structure of this poem is perfect. Its got to be one of my favourite poems on here. excellent write
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your wording and style were superb. great work, you deserve accolades.
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When I saw the title the first thing I thought of was Coleridge's Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, and perhaps there is a little allusion in this, but it is an origional and very gripping write.
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I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I liked the staggered, jutting line breaks. I felt like I was in a rush to get to the end because of the way my eyes were moving over your poem, though I'm sure this is the effect you wanted. Reminds me of a fragmented memory. Nice; wish I could write like this.
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Wow, I love the wording. Thisi s powerful. I dont' know the setting but I can feel it. Although I may not now what the full meaning is but I love it. It gave me chills and yet the desire to cry. A weird feeling to tamper with.
Excellent write. Keep up the good work.
*~*Queefie*~ -
Your line breaks, stanza breaks and indentations are very intriguing to me... i was reading a section of a book last night that had to do with how much we control the poem through the use of line breaks and how the first word of a line and last word of a line almost always receive more stress by the reader when reading... its fun to take a poem and play with the lines in different and unexpected ways. I like what you did here... and the "then".......... "then" was very effective.
Once again, very impressive work, I really enjoyed this,
~ Wendy -
if I could write as such.... I would be a happy poet.
brilliant -
Something about this made me hold my breath in suspense. Very good writing. I enjoyed.
Irene -
Sometimes the past just loves to club you... When they, we once loved have gone, what have we left? Stale ale, and memories...
This was a different format, then I normally see, very interesting. ~~~ Val -
now this is excellent!...i love the style/form you used here and the rhyme scheme as well, very good.
and the message/content is masterfully written as well...
thanks for sharing.
ViNce
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