Whithering, waiting within my own shade
Caressing with dread what is yet to come
Waiting, watching as the leaves falls from the trees
To die within a word...
A contest entry
- pif - Enter your best quickie pre-write by tara wilson.
1200 points, ended September 20, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Result Of Boredom: A "Whatever" Contest by Exodus.
525 points, ended January 25, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet by Kitch.
700 points, ended October 24, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Give me your BEST Prewrites~ by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHORT WRITES BUT POWERFUL IMAGES by DeadlyPoetic88.
1332 points, ended January 21, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want your pre-writes. by still.she.waits.
400 points, ended February 22, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUNDS (1) - Give Me Your Best. by HereComesTheSun.
550 points, ended August 13, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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thanks for entering
good write -
I like this...a lot. There is reflection within this piece that shines bright. I sensed, to, a loneliness and solitude within the lines here. I found this dark, yet very beautiful. Well done my friend.
Dark Wishes
Wayne Leon
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this is almost too short to judge. but what i see i like. i want more. just try and make it a little longer next time, alright?
and i love the line, to die within a word -
no
Because in my opinion it is very confusing. I can't tell what or who you are talking about. -
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What makes you so sure that I am "talking" about anything?
This might be a poem of silent observation, of reflection, description, mental picture or something else entirely. I don't know, I have never really known.
For every time I have tried analyzing this piece I have come to a new conclusion.
That vagueness you are complaining about may be the very theme of the poem or... it may not be so.
I don't know yet and so a leave it up to the reader
To deduce whatever he or she can from this piece
Good luck in the contest
Zarokk666
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This feels different, always a good thing. Two minor gripes (because, you know, I'm good at griping when I am judging a contest!) would be whithering (as you have it now refers to a place and I assume from the context of the rest of the piece that you are intending the death of the leaves) should be withering and the double usage of waiting. Perhaps linger could be exchanged in one place or the other?
Just a thought! In any case, thank you for your entry & good luck! -
cool
i can really feal the fear of the silence before the unknown. I especially like how you show the passing of time by the leaves falling.
good luck!
x -
Oh, I wrote a poem similar to this the other day, with leaves as words in silence...thank you for this entry
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this is interesting, not quite sure what it's about....possibly a tree in the fall? ~shrugs~ i like it
best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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