I am similar,
but not the same.
Catullus rages inside my head,
and the summers aren't so hot,
I do not winter by the sea,
Calpurnia.
The etchings were lovely
and I hung them on the wall
but all those lines do trouble me,
since it really wasn't me he saw.
When he withered away,
we held a wake,
and found black flowers
which we knew he'd take.
Most of those who came
were too young to understand,
but we read his verses anyway,
though I was ashamed,
and cried. the boys
licked their lips
and smiled at me,
one was very pretty
and I took him home with me.
The garden is very nice,
I spend my evenings
there,
reading,
no, I never loved him,
he was too intense,
but now I see each word
is red,
and I cannot see him anymore.
Author notes
Written July 25th, 2003
In a list
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Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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One would might not totally appreciate the write without understanding the message and meaning of each characters within this write, I'll reading about Catullus and Clodia for further understanding of this write.
Badong Ang Lim
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This is a very nice theme for the poem. However, I really didn't understand this poem. It was actually quite hard to understand. I'm not quite sure I even know the reasoing for the poem. Also, I think that the form of this poem would be easier to read and the poem would flow better if it were either one long stanza, or many stanzas with the same number of lines in each stanza. However, it was nice to read. Keep on writing! -Sammers
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Nice poem, It was kinda hard for me to understand, although the setting was very nice. Keep up the great work.
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Yur imagery is lovely. It sounds like you are describing a nice place to be. It sounds relaxing. I was niot sure about the rest of it.
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I agree with most of the people that commented, but I personally felt that the strongest part of your poem is where you wrote:
"...The etchings were lovely
and I hung them on the wall
but all those lines do trouble me,
since it really wasn't me he saw..."
I feel that the whole body of a poem should be strong, and usually if you do not capture the reader's eye within the first few lines or at least in the first stanza, then they're not going to want to continue reading. I'm not trying to be ignorant, I'm just stating my honest opinion...other than that it was an ok poem.
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Wow. What an intriguing piece that you have written here! I really like this one! There was just something about the way you were phrasing things and the flow of it that made it seem very strange. I had a hard time trying to decide who the speaker was or who they were talking to. The whole thing just had an otherworldly quality to it which was really wild and I just loved how you ended it. It was all really great. I think that you have done a good job of expressing yourself here. So thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and your feelings with you!
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I love the way this flowed. Great piece.
Soulful Woman -
magnificent
your talent is showing and i love the way this poem pulled me into the concept. you done an excellent job on, weaving thoughts together, that give great responds to questions asked.
Write ON!........ennovy -
Wow, this is an oldie being recycled - like to see those ones being read again. been through a few comments too I see. Interesting write - approval of those before.
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Is it his Lesbia? I know how you often write out of time in time, everywhen. So she could be talking to Calpurnia. I don't know though, wouldn't she have appreciated his words - I would think. Sappho? as she was the inspiration --
I know I've read this, of course, never commented though. I feel bad about the boys licking their lips at her -- tonight for some reason that seems so lonely to me.
Don't know how it happens this stuff but it does. Odd isn't it?
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It was like a puzzle that fit together; abstract thoughts tied together. This feels like a mind trying to make sense of what happened, of questions answered..
Extremely well written and creative. I enjoyed this piece. -
I gotta agree with the readers above these kines are the heart and sould of this poem
The etchings were lovely
and I hung them on the wall
but all those lines do trouble me,
since it really wasn't me he saw.
Very well done poet very well done
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achtung
Nice. It was wrought with the flurry of a moment spent with memory. It's interesting how you put it all together and worked in the details a segways. -
eems like disjointed collection of writting. The strongest strophe was:
The etchings were lovely
and I hung them on the wall
but all those lines do trouble me,
since it really wasn't me he saw.
When he withered away,
we held a wake,
and found black flowers
which we knew he'd take.
Most of those who came
were too young to understand,
but we read his verses anyway,
though I was ashamed,
and cried. the boys
licked their lips
and smiled at me,
one was very pretty
and I took him home with me.
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I like this one... it's very good. Interestingly written, original... the diction is excellent.
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hmmm I've read this before...
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i really enjoyed your allusion to catullus! this is very good writing.
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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...interesting using catullous. A word seldom heard. (neener, I knew what it is
)
This, was my favorite part:
"The etchings were lovely
and I hung them on the wall
but all those lines do trouble me,
since it really wasn't me he saw."
All the rest could simply crumple up, save for this one part. It can stand on its own. ~~~~Val
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