words drip from between
those lips and they drag me down
drag me down, I crash every time your voice
inches into the spaces behind my eyes
and you're on my lips, on my palate
always just a word away
and I'd spit you out but there's always more
more more
always more of you nestled under my tongue
or between my teeth, or
back, far down and deep in my throat
ready to rise like bile and choke
choke the steadiness out of me
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This poem has power in its words that have instant impact and as I read it I could feel so much anger and hatred within the words. I think the whole piece of work is very expressive of those feelings but some of the lines I liked very much are, “I crash every time your voice / inches into the spaces behind my eyes” and “I'd spit you out but there's always more” because they show just how much one person has penetrated the other to the point where they can’t be got rid of easily. I think the repetitious use of a few words in some lines actually reinforces this feeling. Although the language and images used are fairly commonplace I think the power in the emotions is strong enough to carry this poem off with great effect.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Wow! your poetry always hits me hard, and this is no exception... the way you turn feelings into physical beings, relating them to the body, making visceral your hurts, is phenomenal. i particularly love this:
drag me down, I crash every time your voice
inches into the spaces behind my eyes
what can i say, but, WOW!
and i love how the last line surprised me... "steadiness" turned the whole feeling of the poem from one of anger & resentment to disappointment & hurt. great write!
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