Another night to remember,
Perhaps too clad and shiny
Formally known as some kind of
Introduction to modern trendy society
A revealing— if you will.
Every intellectual was there
Buying art from artists whose names
They couldn’t pronounce to save their lives
Much like the telemarketers asking for jesus
Instead of “Heyzeus”
And I in taciturn, remained vapidly
Intemperate, flaccid in my juvenile
Portent existence
‘Bejoyed’ the highbrow
Conversations would never include
Moi, jubilant and ready for a somnolent
Change in mood
My slipshod work spoke for itself
Lacking emerald quality,
Selling for about the price
of a dozen raspberries
In a fruity comparison only a platypus could
Truly appreciate
Again my placenta fills
With dreams of genetic
Transsexual fawns
fondling a mangled burton-esque
Cinderella;
while waiting for a new modern
Genocide - hip and trendy
Just in time to cover up electoral lies
With an esoteric cockroach of a father
I’m a cynic in a world of rosy
Googly eyed cellophane sluts
Ridden with plastic beasts made to
Be breasts in a world that can be bought
For about the price of an ice cream cone
And I’m probably about as much fun
As a corpse at a slumber party loaded
With disfigured children
Apologetic for another fiesta salad of insecticide.
Now if that doesn’t scream angst in a bottle
Then america has already traded my views in
For a wishbone
My photos sold millions
But my art is still invisible
Author notes
the photo used is mine, i took it, rendered it and created the multi mask look.
for all you too lazy to visit your local dictionary website or havent the fondest clue how to spell dictionary:
Vapid
-lacking or having lost life, sharpness, or flavor; insipid; flat: vapid tea.
2.without liveliness or spirit; dull or tedious: a vapid party; vapid conversation
Taciturn-
1.inclined to silence; reserved in speech; reluctant to join in conversation.
2.dour, stern, and silent in expression and manner.
Intemperate-
given to or characterized by excessive or immoderate indulgence in alcoholic beverages.
2.immoderate in indulgence of appetite or passion.
3.not temperate; unrestrained; unbridled.
4.extreme in temperature, as climate.
Flaccid-
1.soft and limp; not firm; flabby: flaccid biceps.
2.lacking force; weak: flaccid prose.
Juvenile [you should know what this means or you're likely juvenile]
Portent
1.an indication or omen of something about to happen, esp. something momentous.
2.threatening or disquieting significance: an occurrence of dire portent.
3.a prodigy or marvel.
dissolute
indifferent to moral restraints; given to immoral or improper conduct; licentious; dissipated
Highbrow - speaks fer itself
jubilant - oh yay!
respite
a delay or cessation for a time, esp. of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief: to toil without respite.
2.temporary suspension of the execution of a person condemned to death; reprieve.
–verb (used with object)
3.to relieve temporarily, esp. from anything distressing or trying; give an interval of relief from.
4.to grant delay in the carrying out of (a punishment, obligation, etc.).
Somnolent
sleepy; drowsy.
2.tending to cause sleep.
cinderella
placenta
halloween
genetic
transsexual
fawn
slipshod
careless, untidy, or slovenly: slipshod work.
2.down-at-heel; seedy; shabby.
3.Archaic. wearing slippers or loose shoes, esp. ones worn at the heel.
platypus
genocide
emerald
raspberry
esoteric-
understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2.belonging to the select few.
3.private; secret; confidential.
4.(of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.
beast
wishbone
america
cellophane
blood
slumber
cockroach
eyeball
slut
ice cream
children
disfigure
apologetic
fiesta
insecticide
I used all of those. that equals 11!
I'm a linguist not a mathmetician
and for all you parody nuts:
I'm a linguinie not a calculator. GOSH!
A contest entry
- highbrow cinderellas by slaughter.
300 points, ended August 27, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
dreaded hoity toighty big words!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is an absolutly beautiful poem. I loved the imagry and the flow of the entire piece was flawless. Thanks so much for sharing this. Love and Peace, Charlene.
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Overall I find this poem witty and well-crafted, however in some spots I think you might have bunched too many of your chosen words together.
For example:
"And I in taciturn, remained vapidly
Intemperate, flaccid in my juvenile
Portent existence"
With the words condensed in such a manner, I feel overwhelmed, as a reader. There is just so much vocabulary going on in such a tiny space, it disconnects me from the poem a bit.
As does:
"Apologetic for another fiesta salad of insecticide."
I think I would have liked to see the 11 words chosen spread out a little futher apart, rather than put in such close quarters to one another.
It's a personal opinion really, so if you like the piece like that, no biggy. I don't really need to tell you that though, cause you are an excellent critic yourself and can understand where I'm coming from.
Outside of my minor complaints about this piece, I do entirely agree with the ideas you present here. I do think art has become something more money based and less about the creativity. People try to make sure they know the names of some famous poets or artists so they have something "interesting" to conversate about. Those extreme makeover shows even try to train people how to do that, so they "seem" more interesting.
It offends me when I see people who don't know their ass from their elbow, who think that because they glanced through a few poetry books and took a class, they know what writing is all about, that they're professionals. It's sickening.
I don't see art as being something that should be looked at in such a way. In my eyes, there are no professionals. As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.", and I think that is entirely true.
Often those who think they are the best, are really just a talentless potato of a person.
And to top off my rant, I would like to present to you my favorite bits of this poem, the stuff that really hit home.
"And I’m probably about as much fun
As a corpse at a slumber party loaded
With disfigured children"
"My photos sold millions
But my art is still invisible"
Especially the second excerpt. How true that is in todays world.
Thanks for posting and good luck in the contest.
- Kenneth
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I totally understand where you're coming from with the overwhelming vocab all bunched. I was going for that litterary littering affect - using your challenge and also going for that whole pompous thing - covered in the sarcastic manner you enjoyed
and i think it symbolically fits hand in hand with that "we took some classes and learned names to sound interesting" comment.
however, I may do more editing to try and unbunch it.
i just love how it rolls off the tongue haha
thanks, i'll see what i can possibly retinker.
any suggestions?
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this is cool, i mean i like this write, you did a sweet and wonderful job on this, keep it flowing and good luck in contest
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Cool write which I liked a lot. Good luck in the contest This was a good sociological poem
Pozo
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thank you so much it'sgreatly appreciated
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This is an interesting poem, I'll say that much. It is well written and has a lot of emotion in it. Some anger, cynicism, and sarcasm is abundantly present.
The part about the cellophane sluts with plastic breasts for the price of an ice cream cone is my favorite. Hilarious, and nice imagery with saying the "breasts" were beasts. HA! That's great.
I also like the rythm and overall sound of the poem. Good job concerning that.
I'm vaguely offended by the definitions, assuming the reader wouldn't know what simple words most people would be aware of if they actually read; which I do by the way. On the other hand, it adds a nice cynical, personal touch. An interesting last impression to leave the reader with.
Overall, it's a good piece of work. You made the picture? It's interesting and fits the piece. Well done. Thanks for sharing! -
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another thing i do too while editing or producing is saying everything out loud at whatever pace flies out. if i stumble then i know there's something that needs tinkering.
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thanks for the excellent comment. It was actually a comment and not some short snip
I don't assume all readers are daft - just the majority that comment on some of my work [within the last year].
and I am an avid reader and a walking dictionary, but even some of the words on the list I had to look up! so you never know.
I'm a photographer and digital artist [not starving thank god!] and sometimes findind more uses for my design work is a bonus.
i'm also glad you noticed the cynecism and sarcasm in the definitions at the end of poem.
everything fit nicely and i'm very proud of my random-off-beat result.
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