My sister called today.
We talked.
She's twenty-two come December.
I remember when she was eighteen,
Standing right where I am now.
I couldn't stand her.
She couldn't stand me.
I suppose, wearing her shoes
I understand why she always snapped at me.
I always thought it was because she was perfect.
My sister graduated Summa Cum Laude.
Was Prom Court and top five percent of her class.
To say Pre-Calc kicked my butt would be a blessing.
Honestly?
It ate me alive.
When Prom came around I was proud.
I actually had a date.
And graduation?
I won't be there.
I mean, I didn't drop out,
I WILL graduate.
Just not when I should.
She's thin,
I'm not,
She dates,
I don't,
We're not the same.
And I'm ok with that.
My sister called today.
We talked.
About nothing, nothing at all.
Her finals are over
And I crashed my car.
She's moving to Huston
I skipped two levels in Art.
I could tell she was proud.
My sister never looked down on me.
I can see that now,
With my own little sister.
She was worried.
I'm not like her.
I'll never be.
And that scared her to death.
How was she supposed to help me,
If she couldn't understand me?
So we commented on how we both needed cars.
That I had tests of my own coming up.
I told her about next year,
When I do graduate,
I'm joining the Peace Corp.
She laughed,
Not at me, or my goals,
But the fact she'd never do the same.
Apparently, Chemical Engineer wasn't a preferred degree
My sister called today
And we talked.
Author notes
(Option 6)
For a long time I always felt I was forced into some sort of competition with my older sister. It was like we were constantly being compared, though we weren't. I'm not like anyone else in my family and I suppose you could call me the 'black sheep'. But, as I stopped comparing myself to her, I realized no one knew how to handle me. I was new territory, not just for myself, but for my family at large.
No one was actually trying to change me, we were all just trying to understand one another.
A contest entry
- The Mediocre Against Mediocrity by laughingstock.
450 points, ended May 19, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - highbrow cinderellas by slaughter.
300 points, ended August 27, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I'm sorry to say, this poem has been eliminated from the contest. I personally enjoyed the poem though.
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I don't think I can quite put my finger on it but I really liked this. You have great expression and it all flows very nicely. I don't have a sister myself but I think it's safe to say that we've all been compared to someone at some time during our life... so I love how you put it all together. Great job!
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Although there is absolutely no constant form to this at all, there was still a nice flow to it. The story I found quite interesting; there was a "realness" to it. Good write!
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I was attempted to observe that this piece is almost more like prose than would really be acceptable for the contest, but I think I am going to let the rules enforcement body of the contes make that decision (I'll refer the piece to them and see what they say).
The reason why I decided not to make that observation has a lot to do with what I like about your writing here. When we talk about the concept of "poetry," the physical (rhyme, flow, etc) characterisitics, we often forget to observe that there is a metaphysical aspect of the art as well (as there is in most, if not all art). For one, this piece tells a story about a relationship from which we can glean more than just what is said. There is a bonding that can be accomplished between subject matter and reader, which is to say (most certainly), author and reader. For example, the repetition of "my sister called today" conveys how important that simple act is to the person perceieving it - that so much has come (this poem part of that) from the action - and it has been minutely examined: like the grains in a piece of wood.
Sometimes what makes a piece poetry is more of the metaphysical nature; of course the REOs should understand that as they review the piece.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
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each sentence or phase is presented on its own line
no lines are longer than my screen
so the eyes fall across solid steps
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So you're the author of this piece?
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I'm the author of this piece. I hadn't responded because your previous analysis seemed more than competent and there was really no need. I'm simply awaiting the ruling of the R.E.B. as per your actions.
Sorry for any mix up. -
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No problem, Matt and I were just having some fun.
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I am the author of the reply you just responded to
I am not the author of the poem at the top -
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I think you should definitely enter that reply in next years contest. :-)
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these platitudes mock me
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I shall properly discipline them.
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This reminds me a lot of my older sister and me. She's brilliantly smart, and it's hard not to compare myself to her, even though my parents say I shouldn't, well that's easier for them to say than for me to do! I think you described this wonderfully. Good job.
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I really liked this today.I have a friend who really seems to understnad this good luck in the contest
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Excellent
"This is really, really good." That is exactly the words that came out of my mouth when I finished reading this.
And I like this because it isn't watered down with whimsical alliteration or rhyme. It's near-perfect in it's own right. Because it has a surreal sense of independence. Like it knows where it's going and goes there because it knows how to.
This is a poem that made me think. It's a perfect expression of differences between siblings. It's relatable on so many levels. And I wasn't distracted. THIS POEM ALLOWED ME TO KEEP READING. And that's not easy all the time.
I love writing with reprises. And this was a good use of that.
Excellent work. I really enjoyed this. -
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I always used to feel that poetry demanded that rhyme and reason, until one day I was just so worked up, I just wrote. It come out in a broken set of words that sounded exactly like me. Poetry like this, though some find it rather naive in style, is more important to me because I don't stop to think. You're right that it isn't a compilation of fancy words. Honestly, I feel their used too often. For one moment, this poem was my thoughts. It was one sister thinking about another and that, in my opinion, is what makes it something others can understand.
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Another one of yours that I love. You expressed brilliantly all of those feelings that go along with being a sibling. I think many of us compare ourselves with sisters (mine is 6feet tall, blonde and blue eyes, I am 5'1 with black hair!). I used to be jealous of my sister but now I realise life is too short - I love her. Excellent work!
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