I have no idea what to do
With myself,
I have no idea what to do
With you,
I have no idea what to do
About you.
Help me!
You did
Now, you’re just hindering me.
I need to run away-
Escape,
Before I fall off the edges of my mind.
Falling in love
Should be so much more fun
Than just falling constantly.
I love you
Yet, it’s like I’m always
On a sea-saw with you-
Our relationship is always up
Or down.
Perhaps, It’s my fault?
I cared too much?
I cared too little?
Perhaps, I just fussed about
Little things-
Always.
Perhaps, there’s just someone else-
That’s better than me?
& Prettier than me?
& Funnier than me?
So many uncertainties
&& I have no idea what to do.
I love you
Well…
I loved you.
So many questions
&& A shortage of answers.
I need you to help me
Just like before.
I need you to be the same person
That I fell in love with.
I need you…
I need you to need me again
I’m just not in control of anything,
Especially not me, myself
Or I.
Author notes
It's not too great my minds just so cluttered at the moment, but i hope you like it all the same =] I've changed it a little bit =] ♥
A contest entry
- The Mediocre Against Mediocrity by laughingstock.
450 points, ended May 19, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I think that this was good before and it got a little more cluttered and a little more confused with this revamping of it. But that is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. But the spelling was cleaner and the ideas were easier to understand a tiny bit. This was a valiant rewrite but it didn't add much. I still like this piece though.
-
heartfelt
I think that this piece is relatable to a lot of people. If not everyone. Because if you haven't gone through a relationship that seems to be failing, you know someone who has.
"before i fall of the edges of my mind" should be "before i fall 'off' the edges of my mind" but that line creates such a graphic feeling of despair.
Something that could make this a little bit more intense would be even more dissonance. Like, I read this and am thinking, "How cool would this be for her to open up a tiny bit more..." Even to the point of breakdown. These feelings are something that everyone deals with.
Something I noticed that was pretty cool but might have been unintentional was the fact that the first line of the first stanza is uneven than that rest of the shift of every other line. And this uneveness is carried through to the end of the poem. That is really effective in getting both frustration out and portraying it to others.
This was a nice piece. THanks for entering my contest. Good luck. -
Falling in love
should be so much more fun
than just falling constantly.
--i know that feeling all too well darling && this one-
I have no idea what to do
with myself,
I have no idea what to do
with you,
I have no idea what to do
about you.
--that feeling is soo torturous because you're falling and falling and you're not sure how to get back up at all.
ily darling♥
-
This is really good. Its very emotional. Its so hard when you feel like your mind is drowning in your own thoughts. Writing helps to get everything out.
Falling in love
should be so much more fun
than just falling constantly.
Wonderful line that is so true. I hope that you're doing fine hun and that things get brighter. ~Steph~
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