Intrepid rein's guide the sanctity of my skin...
under black, blue or forsaken skies
Unfastened eyes greet foreign stimuli, unbridled
Seeing right through the disguises of men...
I unravel, under fascism and the constitution
Nothing is so sacred it surpasses scrutiny
So I appraise gods law, as the lies of white abomination
I live in uncertainty and fidelity, expanding
Embracing unspoken truths with all my allegiance
Using freedom as a destination...
and the instrument of a God
Because when I awoke...
All the eye could see, was a facade
In every direction dwells dishonesty
So I wait...
Pausing for awakening to become...
the common state
Please tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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An interesting tribute to enlightenment. Very well written with great closing lines. This is a message close to my heart. Happy trails
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POWERFUL
This is a battle cry honest and common sense.
It is written in almost a historic perspective from a far off articulate soldier.
It is written as a prolific declaration for order....
[Nothing is so sacred it surpasses scrutiny]
AND
[Using freedom as a destination.]
The limited patients expressed.....
[So I wait]
Shows that action will be taken if things are not rectified.
Very powerful with well placed wording.
Moving, as so many of your works are.
BLESSING ALWAYS,
LOWELL
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Powerful
Very good write..its very raw and emotional..and more time than none that makes for a good poem
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fantastic line: "So I appraise gods law, as the lies of white abomination". all the rest are good too actually. love the way the opening line immediately gets you thinking, cuz first i thought you had misspelled it and mean "intrepid rains" but it works better as "rein" and serves as a play on words too.
a lot of quality ideas and messages packed into this, like "nothing is so sacred it surpasses scrutiny".
i really like this, and have only one real suggestion. i feel that occasionally you could tighten up a line by taking out a word or two and still maintain the message, like "sanctity of my skin" could be "skin sanctity" or "nothing is so sacred" could just be "nothing so sacred", but that's really minor and a matter of taste. great write.
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passionate
This contains so much passion I felt urged to read it fast.
"using freedom as a destination," i love that idea and line...you make me want to write more.
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I love this, you're awesome. Ah, I just love poems without elementary vocabulary. Your talent is so apparent here. Wonderful job, I love poetry that inspires thought.
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Thank you for entering.
Good luck in the contest.
-df-
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Welldone, awesome poem!
Peace out x
Much love,
Emily x
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God was only mentioned in the constitution to represent a guiding light leading toward humane values. The constitution never mentions the bible. It never defined god. The idea was that we could reach our human potential in America, and that was okay as long as we didn't hurt others in the process. The introduction of the corporation as an individual entity circumvented so many of the founders intentions. So here we are today, buying water. Paying a tax on clean air. Acting as if an entity composed of hundreds or thousands as one person which skews our constitution. Let's repeal that law and our world will change.
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oh, yeah..very well done. This blows me away.
"Unfastened eyes greet foreign stimuli, unbridled"
This, along with your other amazing lines, is about as unique and original as it gets. Powerful poetry.
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wow, you are one of the most outspoken, indepth poets i have read here on AP in my 2 and a half years here. you have such a deep mind. you thoughts flow so smoothly and you have a way with words like no other.
you background also compliments this piece. i don't know where you learned to write but i want to go to that school
be well and be blessed
. Rewarded 6
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your too sweet. I barely finished high school!
thanks for the support!
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stunning
this work is kind of chunky, but chunky like a fat diamond ring, each word bounces and catches, but the divisions are very sharp. and your very last few lines were like an open breath of fresh air, light and cool. this is very well balanced
. Rewarded 4
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I love you choice of words....thank you
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cccccccccooooooooooollllllllllll duuuuuuuuuddddddddeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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soo i like your backround. and i like your poem. which is great because usually when people give great backrounds i dont like their poem. anyways you are verry intellegent..and your vocabulary and describtive words move the poem alot.
xoxox -
I love the first two lines..., very intelligent. And "embracing unspoken truths with all my allegiance" is so me. And then the next line, wow, such talent, really! You say what you want and it all just fits in, so poetic and honest. I deeply believe that the awakening is coming. What I fear is what will happen then.
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AAMMMAAAAZZZZZIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG
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This is different from most of the poems I have read thus far on this sight. It is dark, and interesting becuase of it.
Couple questions as to the meaning of the poem. Are you saying God doesn't exist? Or are you saying governments are a bunch of crap? I could have misread the meaning entirely. That tends to happen to me at times. I'm not really sure, but it was an interesting poem and I would like to know what it is about.
I liked the sublte beat of the poem. How you don't rhyme, but it is there none the less. It seems a lot of people can't write poetry without rhyming. I think most, but not all by any means, that rhyme are just verse. Things one would find in a greeting card or something like that. So, well done. Not that I'm the best writer. I'm more of a fiction person myself. My poetry stinks.
Anyway, I like the poem. Thanks for sharing!
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