A candle, floating on illusion’s wave
dark path illumined by a fragile flame
impermanence ignoring, senses’ slave
my soul was lost in life’s enchanting game
A marionette, engrossed in cosmic dance
within a world where much distraction lured
while running after pleasures, lost in trance
no peace of heart I’d find, yet quest endured
The essence of my inner truth to find
I’d quit the crowded path of senseless strife
the battlefields of wrath I’d leave behind
in silence wrapped, embracing mystic life
While peacefully returning to the sea
an offering my tiny flame shall be
Author notes
watch the video :
http://s247.photobucket.com/albums/gg123/poetmaa/?action=view¤t=anoffering.flv
my constantly updated video-poetry :
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3791503
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for jean-marc with love http://allpoetry.com/jean-marc
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In a list
A contest entry
- Do You Like Real Poetic Challenges? by masterblaster.
750 points, ended May 11, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE SONNETS---ROUND 1 by mamad.
400 points, ended June 3, 2007, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE SONNETS ROUND 6 by mamad.
2400 points, ended August 10, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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The feeling of peace, release and relief come through the gentle soft words. This is lovely.
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Marion, this is truely your story of finding a real soul-mate and also finding your real self. What a blessing to find such a man, who lets you be you, and shares your dreams and gives you the space to pursue. What a wonderful tribute to such a worthy man. I still cannot write a sonnet, but yours was a lesson for me to study! Thank you!
Love, Shana
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"tiny flame" -- less is more
"the battlefields of wrath I’d leave behind"
A tiny flame of love identified
In this sea where battlefields you find
Your flame is an inspiration, I confide
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I just love your poetic responses ...
thank you so much for your flame of loving kindness ...
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Another remarkable sonnet with your ineffable spiritual essence permeating this tremendous piece. A pure delight to read.
David
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Amazing!
Forgive me but I am lost for words.
You blew me away.
What an incredible write.
Absolutely remarkable!
~Pastel
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crowded path of senseless strife
This is such a magnificent piece of reflection and acceptance. You perfectly word these strifes that keep us from knowing inner peace and contentment..
from finding our true place in the eternal sea.
This is truly a spiritual masterpiece...loved reading
each and every line here. Blue
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Well done and congratulations. A well earned Gold
Patx -
Commented on this before maybe in a different reading group or featured section. A lovely poem no doubt.
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I loved the idea of the flame in the midst of surrounding darkness of distraction and pursuit of selfish pleasure. Each of our flames do make such journeys on life's tumultuous sea. Hopefully each of us will leave a trail of glow behind. A beautiful sonnet you have composed here. Really lovely work and thought.
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Beautiful sonnet wonderful flow and imagery. Congrats on the double bronze
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Double bronze is nice - liked this sonnet - something I need to write more of. Greaet flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines.
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My maa rose & fav sister,
Congrats on your trophy winning. I am not one bit surprised.. you are becoming a master sonneteer. Luv you bunches, ♥ annabelle
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Well done. Congratulations
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thank you so much for your kindness of sending me clapping bunnies and congratulations ... they are highly appreciated ...
will come over your way to read your masterpiece ...
maa
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Congratulations for your bronze, sweetheart!
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this is great, we're both still in the competition ... yay !
now, in the next round, I won't be able to play aces, since I don't know any other sonnet form that english sonnet yet ... so I'm a complete newbie on unknown fields ...
marion -
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Here is a reference for different forms, also there are several sonnet sites on the internet. Good luck sweetheart!
http://allpoetry.com/list/show/25619
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I knew you would win. I knew it. You guys are brilliant
The sad face is for me- cause I'll never ctach up, lol. I'm out of my league, but it's safe, and it's fun
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my dear peacock-friend,
I am curious now to read your sonnet in return, and have the impression that you are greatly underestimating your talent ... mamad knows what she's doing, and she wouldn't have made you move on to the next round, wouldn't she have judged your poetic abilities and creativity worthy ...
so be confident, and who knows, you might be the next winner, it often happens so ...
maa
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wow, perfect. nice.
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thank you, dear duana, I love your peacock avatar !
maa
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Outstanding
I liked the first stanza in particular and the image of the puppet in the second stanza. You maintain the flow of the poem very well and I liked the way you create a sense of peace - escaping the turmoil and finding a sense of spirituality. A lovely poem to read with a sense of depth and reflection.
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thank you for your kind words, dear marcy ...
marion -
very sweet and so you. Your personal story shines in this one, Marion. All the best!
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I can see why this was a bronze winner. Very nice.
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dear dolly,
thank you again for your incredible generosity to offer an additional gold trophy to this poem that is very dear to my heart ... now I can add my flickering candles pic as well
maa -
thank you so much for your words of appreciation ...
this sonnet was actually written for a challenge associating blank verse plus english sonnet, hosted by masterblaster, a very gifted sonneteer whom you certainly know ... I was very happy about the reward ...
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Congratulations on your trophy!
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thank you, my dear one ...
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Maa this is beautiful, the sonnet in iambic pentameter was my personal favourite of the two but both bring to mind loneliness, suffering and heartbreak. The power behind the words is tremendous, yet another striking poem from a very gifted writer well done and i wish you luck in the contest. Kay
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Hi, this is very beautiful and good meter, great feel in this write and it makes me think it comes right from the heart, loved it, all the best in the comp,Di
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thank you so much for the generous gift of a bronze trophy ...
maa
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The freedom of your blank verse is lovely, full of atmosphere and metaphor for your spiritual quest. In stanza 3, "I" works as well as "I'd", and makes a simple past tense rather than a complex one.
The sonnet is great, and I see that you have dealt with the rhyme suggestion gracefully. I love the way you have incorporated ancient scripture while telling a personal story.
Best of luck in the contest!
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Wow!!
I am in awe at the fact You did a Sonnet and I'm still learning to work it
Beautiful message heard in Spirit and Touches
the core of being~
Loved this one and I am not versed in this form so I cannot voice on form other than it is pleasing to
the eyes!!
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Talent!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Ha ha! I just read B Chandlers comment. Some people are pretty hard to please. I'm only commenting on this because I found your poem most pleasing. A real gift for the mind and for the heart. The difficult lesson of wisdom married to the sweet dance in chase of divinity. Lovely.
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Im not hard to please at all -- just have a critical eye when it comes to rhyming particularly when it comes to sonnets
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Commentary
Second half, stanza two...
'A marionette, engrossed in cosmic dance
Within a world where much distraction lured
While running after pleasures void of sense
No peace of heart I’d find, yet quest endured'
,,,your rhyme scheme is a bit off with the word, "dance" and "sense" for they do not rhyme.
http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=dance&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l -
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thank you ...
the poem has been edited, in order to replace "sense" with "trance", which now makes it a "perfect" rhyme ...
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youre welcome and good luck in the contest
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