As the ground struggles to steal
Wetness
From a heavenly downpour,
The mouth of an empty vessel
Bows
To kiss the balm of soil
With lips almost dry…
The lip balm does not quench
The thirst of a heart to be full of
Joy,
And emptiness echoes
As silent raindrops keep
Hitting
The back of this vessel turned towards the sky.
The lips begin to sing the song of
Wetness
For a while, but almost without the melody of
Smile.
The heart is still
Empty.
But the echo of emptiness sounds
Innocent
For joys need to creep in empty spaces.
Above,
The sky is loaded with clouds.
Below,
A face against the sky!
Providence is waiting for
Receptivity
To realize wrong angles of existence!
Author notes
'.'
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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"The lip balm does not quench
The thirst of a heart to be full of
Joy"
Oh Bravo! This is a wonderful write, it ever so gentle tugs at the reader, pulling us away from the mundain and lifting us to the ethereal.
Marianne
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Indeeed a good going verse
nature described at its best. a thought provoking verse with a philosophical depths peeping in beyond imagination
"Providence is waiting for
Receptivity
To realize wrong angles of existence"
good going indeed
title i think is apt. -
I loved this poem. It has good structure, which stay solid too the end. It kept me entertained and gave me good visual mindset. Well done. Awsome Job.
Emmy -
What An Imagination
What an imagination?? The expression of Nature in such an original and stylish form. I could really imagine the empty vessel facing the earth.
Actually the situation of the world is just this way, The mercy is about to shower but 'the empty vessel (human being) is against the receptivity.'
The best aspect of each of your write is the smooth flow, simplest words and the expression of such vitality in such few words.
Well what could I expect from my poetic ideal apart from such excellent adventure of imagination.
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Thanx a million, Aun, for your brilliant review on this work. I am overwhelmed.
Blessings,
Bajjo.
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nice write... good use of words n very nice imagery...
apart from these plus points, a use of punctuations at the rite places wud have made it perfect...
Nice work!!
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Thanx for your honest appraisal of my work. But, I don't really agree with what you have to tell me regarding the use of punctuations in this work. They have carefully been injected at the required points, and in a way as to highlight the "Wabi - Sabi" way of poetic art. The overuse of punctuations would have made this write immature and tight, like a young bird still learning to fly! A soaring seagull does not really need to flap its wings again and again, just to create an impression it knows how to flap wings...
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dint know ppl use punctuations to show they know how to add punctuations here n there...
.. accordin to my preference i jus said that to gt the rhythm right a few puntuation wud have helped... but np!! 
havent heard o wabi sabi.. will love to learn more about it!!
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