How to Disappear Completely

No room divides me like this one divides us,
Where all of our unopened letters sit dead
In our inbox and we watch them cautiously
Because maybe they'll just disappear if we
Ignore them long enough.

Last year, we were all flooded for months
Falling off walls to get away from
The people we loved (Or at least felt
Ambivalent about) and you were like fly paper
In a clean room: Never very useful, but I
Felt better with you there.

But this is me not meant for this world:
A lifetime later, and I find myself
Draped over the shoulder of some new love
That I couldn't find there (or anywhere, really)
Until you stumbled in, and I knew what it was
To
Not
Want.

I grow up a little bit, not much, and I start
Remembering things you never did, we never did together,
And, God, what did your face look like that time that
I thought it was such a shame you were wearing nothing,
And I couldn't get out of my clothes?

Outside, there are a hundred-thousand people with your face,
And every last one of them are staring at me like that time
in my bedroom, in high school, when my mother was home,
And you said: 'Wait', and I just wanted you to
Look at me and say you didn't mean it.

You've always been like some kind of over-active
Wet dream to me, when all I really needed
Was a good night's sleep, and maybe the feeling
That what everything seems is what everything
Is.

Sometimes, I think Rome was built here, on this space,
With our names engraved somewhere, but misplaced:
All desecrated and dilapidated and holding some kind of
Tragic history, but no one ever knows where to look.

My mascara's running, but you hold your own.