Looking though the glass
Seeing all the world
Hiding in the corner
Scared of what could come
Can take on the world
Yet I want to stay here
Stay here in the safety of my home
I want to sleep
I want to run
I want to go somewhere from it all
Yet here I am in the middle
I don't even understand it all
A contest entry
- Anything You Want: Free Verse by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended May 5, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I would like to see more imagery in this piece. For how short it is, it's important to really grab the reader by the hair and force them to notice the images, which will, of course, relate what you are feeling more than if you just tell us what you're feeling. For instance, you have "scared of what would come", but why not turn that into an image by using metaphor "scared as (fill in the blank)". That's what I mean. The emotions are there, just under a blanket of telling and not showing. It was enjoyable, just don't be afraid to use strong (sometimes even bizarre) images. Thanks so much for entering
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