Delicate blue so engaging
Swiftly diverging my lungs
I smile as i slip through the surface
Clear and cold my eyes are released to something new
So beautiful
The world
Every aspect is astounding to the sense that i am becoming one
One with what i hold so dear
Fire, the burning sensation becoming my soul.
Air, that which once gave me life being dragged away.
Earth, so softly accented with time.
Water, purity with that of which i have indulged myself into.
Elements become inescapable
They grasp a hold of my life and transform it into something much more.
Innocently Refined Simplicity.
No thoughts nor breath nor words shall ever escape my lips
Silence has become a god
To lay and worship in the presence of
He brings me peace as i drift
Who knew perfection such as this could ever lift me out of the dazed state that we so carelessly live out lives by
I offer my regards to the vacancy so vast my existence can be with out disruption
The surface beckons to me once more
Slowly, my sleeping body returns to shore
Rest has finally come
Author notes
Drowning, A love/fear of mine (interests me) But i still hate to love it, and love to hate it. The whole idea seems like such graceful pain and torture.
A contest entry
- Tutankhamen (LOTS OF OPTIONS!!! SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE!!!) by Hata mig.
930 points, ended September 15, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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200
Congratulations, out of the wildcards [the ones who did not make the preliminary list], you have been the 16th one chosen to compete in the real-deal contest. You are on the official cast.
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/Teen%20Idol%207?stay=1
On your audition poem, you score 200/300
What could have made this stronger was more metaphor, and avoidance of cliches.
The imagery was well done though.
Looking forward to your entry next round.
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I definitely picture a person drowning and falling deeper in this poem. I also liked that you incorporated all elements. Thank you for entering!
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Judging tomorrow! Please change your background to something...not plain...it's in the rules! Best of luck!
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Ooooh...ahhhhh...still forgetting bg, but the poem is beautiful. I've often wondered what it would be like to drown...Anywho, great job, good luck in the contest.
~Avan~
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Hmmm... this, I thought, did not quite go along with the option you chose... it made it sound more like you LIKE drowning rather thanbeing afraid of it.... Other than that, I like your description, however, I think you have to watch your sylabols in some parts... thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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You truly did make drowning a "beautiful" experience! I know you meant it literally, but it could also have some amazing metaphorical meanings as well. I enjoyed the dreamy feel of your poem. Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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