These dry bones no longer dance,
but play safe
in long costumes and
cupboards. I see them sometimes
in corners
of mirror, turning to
instantly rusted sockets; they pretend
not to hear
as I call for them- wrenching
my name
but like a shadow, it is already gone.
Author notes
sometimes i hate who i have become, who i haven't.. lately all i can write about is things that have gone.
"the present is only a pleasant interruption to the past"
It has been a while, I'm sorry I haven't been around- personal stuff.
Hope this is ok nicole..
A contest entry
- Anything You Want: Free Verse by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended May 5, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hoodwinked!
This is deep. I wouldn't worry so much about the past and be the best person you can be now. I happen to think you are a wonderful poet. -
You've been Hood-winked!
Wow, such an intense poem. I think the closing line added a lot to the poem, although while I read it I notice that every word has it's place, not one could be left out. Wow. Amazing job!
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Your work is always so strong. Excellent poem. I have not been around much either. But it is just because of work. I am glad to see you can write so well even in the midst of chaos.
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My only real critique is if the end explanation is needed. The poem could easily get across the same message with just the stanza itself, As it deals with the important issues of the poem and it becomes a metaphor in itself. So the ending is really a way to bridge the gap for the reader. I think that the stanza alone is what really carries strength with it. That would be my one critical part of this comment. As for the imagery it is beautiful and haunting. I found the format to add to the intensity and that was refreshing to see. Thank you for writing this piece.
- Kenneth
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yes, you're right.. unfortunately most don't read as well as you and a lot of people don't understand anything I write
So i try explain a little sometimes.. not always
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I've had a little bit of that now and again. Some people don't even bother to read the entire poem. That's what pisses me off. When it's obvious that someone just read everyone elses comments and spoke according to what was already said. It shows how voiceless and dumbed down the world has become.
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"as I call for them- wrenching
my name"
that part was so sad. The way I interpreted this was that you were calling to these ghostly objects and recognizing they were apart of yourself. Or had at once been in one moment in time or you felt should be apart of you. But then again, I could be totally off.
xxx
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Hey, if it produces this, I say run with it.
I tend to write endlessly about the process of writing,..lol, or what I haven't got, but I figured out it's because I'm lazy.
I really liked this.
I wonder though if the last line, could be simply deleted. I like the ending of the stanza. Just my opinion though..overall, loved this.
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Hope you are okay Jess...
And this...I never know what to say.
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I gotta say, for a quickie contest, this is probably chalk full of the best entries I've ever received in a contest (or at least for a REAL long time). This is not exception. Simply stated, but still elegant enough to reach out to the reader. The fleeting shadow at the end, ironically enough, is haunting me a bit
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very sad.
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this is so sad, but has so much depth to it. really like the ending of your poem, it feels like a ghost, it's so touching but so empty, not empty in a bad way, just kind of leaves it's presence, but it's really light. Ick, i dunno what I'm trying to say, but it's absolutely beautiful, dark but beautiful imagery, all the best in the contest.
<3
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thanks.. yea, i'm so knackered, I can't write anything with much 'bite'.
hope your revision is going better then mine! -
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lol revision?
my birthday on sundayy!
no revision for me this weekend lol
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arw yay! happy 16th xxx
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thankies.
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