And I was hers from the moment
brightness came through my window,
her kiss light on my eyes
brought me from slumber.
A dance before breakfast,
she gave me precious hours,
priceless minutes, and
seconds that had the water of diamonds.
I wondered, had I given it enough thought.
She came close to me in twilight
with nightfall pressed against her back
and we tried to hold on to each other
and outwit the sunset.
But when darkness came again
to cover the world we knew,
we said a bittersweet goodbye
with a kiss of moist evening air.
For she was a lovely and fulfilling Day
that I shall never see again.
A contest entry
- Anything You Want: Free Verse by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended May 5, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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what great personification.... this is delightfully sunny and yes, sorrowful at her farewell each night.
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lovely PK!! The fight against time...I like that! The first stanza reminded me of a man's version of Sleeping Beauty
but anyway, i loved the idea you have used with having one day, trying to "outwit the sunset." nice job with this one.
Rianna
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wow...the personification of day as a woman was really wonderful, and your descriptions were very vivid...and the last stanza was a perfect ending.
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Peteskid, I just love the comparison of day with a woman, for me this poem is pure magic. Write on in this vein my friend and I will fall in love with you, lol. Val
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Unique Thoughts and Views
Excellent metaphors about the time, and how female the day can be compared to the balance of darkness. The strong male. This was awesome, and sensual in a way. I know its not sex, but I read beauty in this beyond measure. Lovely read, brilliant writing..novy
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It's a interesting personification of the day. It really brings people that sense of peace at the start and slight sorrow after such a wonderful day.
:]
Wonderful piece. Absolutely wonderful.
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Beautiful embodiment of day and night. It has a very yin/yang feel to it. Along with a touch of sadness as moments, days and lifetimes drift past.
Beautiful PK...
as always...
Marianne
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Thank you Marianne
for your kindness, this started off so different from where it ended, thanks for reading... it is always wonderful to hear from you...PK
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pete, my friend...you have a lot of love em and leave ems or love em and they leave you....very sad..(lol j/k).
good job with writing this. good luck in the contest!
blu
ps. is it the trophy that intrigues you or the challenge? do you ever write outside of a contest? if so, which? so that i may read that one also.
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Thank you Blu
for reading and your wonderful comments; yes, my secret is out: I can't keep a woman-- Yeas I am going to post some non contest stuff, starting tonight on this..no contest.
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Beautiful adaptation of a day as a female to the male of night, lovely alliterations and metaphor contained in this, just flowed like the perfect day it would have been Love, C
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Softly romantic. I loved the line about diamonds, though didn't much care for the question in the middle. I'd have prefered to see that given as a statement. Something like "I wondered if I gave to her" as an example. "nightfall pressed against her back" was also a beautiful line. Heck, I liked that whole stanza. lol. The end was a little depressing, but it made for a great contrast to the rest of the piece
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