1 unable to find short enough wellingtons
2able to eat aforementioned long wellingtons if smeared in fish paste until they are the required height
3able to eat any type of old unwanted furniture if smeared in enough fish paste..never have to ring your local council to take them away ever again
2unable to find long enough mittens
2able to be hollowed out when dead or not as the fancy takes you and used as a slippper change feet regularly to ensure even temperature
3unable to find sexy underwear
3partial to having three tablespoonfuls of salad cream in underpants for ease of movement
4 dont know
4unable to listen to the bee gees without going into a swoon and reaining immobile for three hours after
4 able to stand cold draughts for six months at a time - ideal as door draught excluder
5unable to drink eight pints and two southern comforts with the lads on pub crawls need at least three gallons-drinks like a fish
6unable to wipe own bottom but likes to scrape along floors especially soft comfy carpets can do nice designs of streaks or stripes
7unable to pick own nose has to blow hard onto walls
8unable to avoid having a dicky fit in sushi restaurants and wildly eating everything in sight including the chopsticks and a few of the customers if they smell a bit fishy
9unable to wear high heels without everyone staring
9hobbies - staring into space and falling over and staring into space whilst catching the number 37 bus and lookin out for sharks on the top deck,baking sponge cakes
10unable to not wet the bed
11unable to hold teacups
11three previous jobs working in underwear
12three previous sackings for working in underwear instead of uniform
12likes getting stuck in
12beak gets stuck in doughnuts
13beak gets stuck in beetroot jar lids cos like the colour purple
13dislikes being a sledge on snowy days to the village children and adults
14 dislikes being a sledge on rainy days to the village children and adults
15 really dislikes being a sledge on dry days to the village children and adults
15 unable to get hard boiled eggs out of bottom
16able to balance a boiled egg on head for two minutes and then make it disappear up bottom
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I havn't been around for a long time, and missed your crazy creative poetry! I hope to read something new from you soon .. come baaack plinkyplonk!!
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LOLOLOLOL!!!!
Grin.....being a penguin is definitely a most hard life indeed! And here we groan about our lives of relative luxury whilst eating doughnuts without beaks.
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And of course, oral sex is simply out of the question! The snow is much too cold going the gobble at 40 below. The last animal that tried that look what happened to them. When was the last time you saw a mastodon? Gone! Why, went the gobble during the snap freeze of the last ice age. Not that an accidental ten foot tusk up the snatch helped her mood. “Don’t you ever clip those fucking things!” Exactly and what happened, they died out. Same with the Sabre Tooth although even when it was all moonlight and romance Mrs Sabre Tooth never really enjoyed the experience. By the way, I feel I have digressed, I really enjoyed this, not as much as oral sex (note- I haven’t died out yet) but it was close although 11- working in underwear and 15 – hard boiled egg out of the clacker made it a close race.
David
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It's times like these I miss
the ability to applaud creative comments!
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That is brilliance, very clever and it stands to you as an author to have such a view on life or simple concepts such as this, very good read, this will actually be bookmarked so i can enjoy it whenever i need a giggle, Great write
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subject
body
(these are apparently required in order to applaud)
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one mustn't overlook their inability to look smashing in tights.
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what are you talking about they look delicious in tights and especially suspenders obviously you have been looking at the wrong magazines you need to get red hot babe penguin houswifes
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I truly don't believe it's this hard being a chocolate biscuit.
Actually, it's not really a biscuit.
But it's not a chocolate bar either. It exists in the netherworld between.
Bugger. -
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heheheheeee thems cannibals if they eat penguin biscuits noone hardly likes penguin biscuits in my family anyways. i never eat penguins or chocolate biscuits
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Yes...
Those do sound like quite the trials and tribulations of being a penguin. I think I would be very disturbed if my beak was always getting stuck in my doughnuts, especially if I was unable to hold teacups to have a drink, to go with the doughnuts!
This gave me a huge grin
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