Your fingers dance along the back seat,
buzzing palms and your hair smells of desert nights.
I clasped the ocean in my greedy fist, wishing to swallow it up and keep it forever,
and you begged me over and over,
"Chase me, miss pretty lights."
You always told me I had stars in my eyes.
The city lights bounced off the cafe walls,
smearing neon colored champagne streaks across the billboards,
advertising whores in subtle terms.
I flung myself ever-so-tragically out of that car,
still inhaling the thin cigarette and clinging to my memories.
Softly racing in the midnight air,
a delicate rushing of piano movements staining the silence.
Calories chasing the dark sky and carving me from the inside out;;
we were bright with love and crashing into safe dreaming,
posing our cold bodies against a cockshell moon,
full in the light of the blinking stars.
(oh you.taste.like.sunrise.)
Over and over again,
I string together moons and broken hearts,
anchient arms encasing traffic fairies,
intoxicating your closed, safe, mind
and blowing you away with the rest of the stale wishes I wasted that year.
So you shut me away in a broken room,
blocking the holes with electrical tape, and whispering to the clouds::
"And when the stars bury the girl,
I'll plant paper flowers on her grave,
in memory of the one,
who never knew me at all."
A contest entry
- I'll Subtract Pain [♥] By Ounces by Mildew in PinK tile.
750 points, ended May 12, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Your writing is so eccentric and i love it!
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an extraordinary poem. you seem brittle and beautiful, with a sense of life that encompasses the world.
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oh wow.
this is really amazing.
i think i'm going to add you as a favorite.
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wow....speechless....
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This is meaningful poetry, this is the stuff of writing, this is real and raw and has potential
The revolution is in your fist. Let it loose.
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"I clasped the ocean in my greedy fist, wishing to swallow it up and keep it forever"
mm pretty. i like ocean imagery. it helps me get over my fear of them.
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awesome
that was really good im noy used to reading long writes but it was worth it would u mind reading some of my new ones and tell me what u think thanx---mike -
=O **gasp**
This poem was simply....amazing!
I am very impressed with your writing abilites, and its gradually turning into jealousy! =)
I think this may be the best poem i have read in quite some time!
Good job.
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You use such abstract imagery it requires me to read your poem (and poems) many times over to get a solid theme down, which I like. I prefer this style. It seems that the car you're riding in is your relationship with some one, yourself, and one point you try to get out - "I flung myself ever-so-tragically out of that car" You're trying express your eating disorder here, you mention "calories," but I also get the impression it involves a boy. Often others can interpret your thoughts better than yourself.
I think you should tighten it up a bit. Possibly remove a line or two, and fix "anchient" misspelling.
Very Nice. -
omfg. this is incredible. I am amazed beyond belief. This is oooo great. This poem would do so well as a dirty pretty piece. I love it. It was so awesome and had so much imagery and realism. Love it.
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you are an awesome writer.
=]
i am left confused though..
=/
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This is just wonderful sweetie. I love it so much.
Over and over again,
I string together moons and broken hearts,
anchient arms encasing traffic fairies,
intoxicating your closed, safe, mind
and blowing you away with the rest of the stale wishes I wasted that year.
"And when the stars bury the girl,
I'll plant paper flowers on her grave,
in memory of the one,
who never knew me at all."
This is amazing. I'm just in love with your writings.
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It was definately worth reading..... The images were quite original and well thought out! well-done....
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beautiful line.
(oh you.taste.like.sunrise.)
this was so lovely!
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wonderful imagery, i especially loved these lines.
"we were bright with love and crashing into safe dreaming,
posing our cold bodies against a cockshell moon,
full in the light of the blinking stars."
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oh I SO like this poem...images swam in shark-like circles as I read this. Somehow, I can just see, the events unfold. I smiled as I read this, as a wolf smiles, while watching his evening prey. Good job, you have my interest.
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damn, this is good. i barely read dirty pretty because its always the same thing over and over, but this is really good. i got the sense that you are superior to the guy here... but that's just the tone of the poem. i like the line "still inhaling the thin cigarette and clinging to my memories" i know thats probably the least descriptive line in the poem, haha, but i liked it.
<3cassidy
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"And when the stars bury the girl,
I'll plant paper flowers on her grave,
in memory of the one,
who never knew me at all."
mhm babydoll i love it.
bookmarked.
ily <3
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it's really super an amazing poem. brilliant, even. but i think it would be a lot better if it didn't have weird little punctuation, like the +s and ( )s. it distracts from the words, which are pretty. if that makes sense. it's like when a really pretty girl wears too much make-up. too much bronzer, too much foundation, too much mascara. you wanna say, "babbeh girl, you're gorgeous, wipe that shit off your eyes and let us see." you know? she feels naked at first, but then she realizes it's better for her pores and for her aesthetic appeal. that's kinda like your poem. uhh wow is this comment too long and incoherent, yes. yes it is.
ma'assalama.
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No!
not too long or incoherent. :]
Thank youuuu, for your insight.
I wasn't too sure, but thanks.
I'll take out the +s but I don't know about taking out the parentheses in that part.
Hm...
maybe!
I'll have to think about it.
Thank you again though lovely.<3
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This was wonderfull
Stunning.
The imagery and description was outstanding.
I loved,
"we were bright with love and crashing into safe dreaming,
posing our cold bodies against a cockshell moon,
full in the light of the blinking stars.
(oh you.taste.like.sunrise.)"
Great job. :] <3 -
this is good babes
momma i love this its really good
♥ baby doll -
Fascinatingly wonderfully brilliant! I seriously have nothing to say that is not very similar to the things I always say about you~ you amaze me with how you see things and I love, love reading it when you write it out!
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hun
you had me at first line and you certainly pulled me through it with great adoration.!! i love this
♥
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Fan-fucking-tastic!!!
Well I have no chance of winning now
Happy to lose to you as always
xoxox
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hah, lose to me?
I think not.
you're amazing, shaddup
ilyy<33
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Over and over again,
I string together moons and broken hearts,
anchient arms encasing traffic fairies,
intoxicating your closed, safe, mind
and blowing you away with the rest of the stale wishes I wasted that year.
So you shut me away in a broken room,
blocking the holes with electrical tape, and whispering to the clouds::
"And when the stars bury the girl,
I'll plant paper flowers on her grave,
in memory of the one,
who never knew me at all."
god darling you are
so fucking talented
and ily =]
♥
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aw yay bby doll.
ilyyy<3 =]
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mkay edit if you want hun but i say this is crazy perfect the way it is <3 i'll come back and fully comment when your finished kk!
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aw yay. I think I like it now though, so it's allright.
You don't have to comment again haha.
<333
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