Like troll beneath bridge
by stream of consciousness,
it sprayed sequences of split realities
in order to record what my mouth
will not speak of.
No one else need see them.
It is not for others, I produce
such piles of poems
and place them, in cautious care
until I am safely across
such chasms.
Framed by coarse cement,
they take on a life of their own
testaments of bridges crossed,
longings for different destinations,
muddied colors seeping into rough palettes
where I can hardly scrape them off,
even if it should allow me to.
Only upon close examination
will you find a name
etched in crusty corner.
This fate without a face
steals my poems and promises
as toll for troubles.
In a list
A contest entry
- Stream Of Consciousness by polly filla.
525 points, ended May 18, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Very well done your creative amazes me. The first sentence pulls the reader into the poem. I really like your imagery in this write. It truly is an awesome write.
-
-
Thank you. I spend a grat deal of time trying not to say that name.
-
-
I think this
"in order record what my mouth
will not speak of."
is great.
I don't think it's sad, exactly, more melancholy. It's very real to me -
what a beautifully sad poem. i was especially intrigued by the final stanza. and the line "where I can hardly scrape them off, even if it should allow me to," is a great way of expressing how a residue of us remains even when we try so hard to take it away. the poems soak up bits of the consciousness stream-- our poems are built over the stream of all of our consciousness. good
-
-
ty so much for your comments.... it is then that the subconscious squirms it way into conscience at times.
-
-
very good. I like how you've used the image to enter your stream of conciousness, I didn't expect that! and you've managed to stay true to what you're really thinking right now alongside some beautiful poetic descriptions of your memories. Some amazing wording, and some big insights, and it's quite compact. It's not as seemingly fragmentary or disjointed as it could be for a stream of conciousness, yet it's got some brilliant thoughts, you have tried to mingle an interior monologue with the subject of stream of conciousness, and logic's never a no-no. well done.
thanks! -
-
ty so much
-
1 - 7 of 7




