I hail from a ruined, rundown alley,
Choked by putrid odors of death and drugs
Where empty bodies litter the concrete valley;
My only known acquaintances are thugs
Who strut and gloat like they run things
And befriend small time pimps and whores;
In the same breath, crackheads pull strings
To convince youngsters to rob liquor stores
Because of a poor person's inherent greed,
Evil seeds with purified heartache are sown
Resolution is this neighborhood's urgent need...
Yet this is the only life I have ever known
She works upwards of eighteen hours a day,
Following a ten-to-eight with nine-to-five;
If for her children, she will make a way
Even when utterly broken down, she can survive
Considered part of the ever-growing middle class,
Life seems better for all her pecuniary gain
But as more adversities begin to fade and pass,
Others downplay her efforts with scornful disdain
Nothing she does could ever be quite enough;
This woman nearly concedes to desperation
For in the great scheme of urban existence,
It wouldn't always be a win-win situation...
Blessed beyond what others want to believe,
The man possesses wealth transcending his years
Although it appears he could easily achieve,
He's earned much with blood, sweat and tears
Primarily a leader for the people's interests
Lending an ear to anyone who gave voice,
He pushed agendas; now his case rests
In the votes of whoever makes him their choice
Yes, even for him it was a filthy job,
But he took on the burdensome responsibility;
Some still regard him as an egregious slob
Yet he turned this place into a land of opportunity
We may stand on completely different sides
And have little understanding of one another;
Life forces us to invent some fierce diatribes
Against our supposed friend or even brother
But we're interwoven in the same raiment,
Crossing paths in so many complex ways;
So little time out of hectic schedules are spent
Brightening someone else's melancholy days
However, outsiders, if they feel so free,
Are invited to share our sorrows and glories;
This is the autobiography of the average city
Where all are welcome to relate their stories.
Author notes
note: I wrote this the day before yesterday (slowly but surely coming out of my drought period)... this piece takes on four views of living in a city (impoverished child, middle class working mother, wealthy government official, then a collective opinion). It took one hour to compose this poem, but two years to put it together.
option #2
Written July 24th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I really like the views you introduced, it was so powerful. Also, you mixed higher level vocabulary with some informalities here and there which made it well written but no too...wow I can't think of the word...scary?, you know not to the point where people will be afraid of attempting to read and comprehend becasue its on a completely different level than them...well if that makes any sense to you I'm glad, if not I'm sorry. Good job and keep writing!
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uh ! took a year for me to read ! LOL ! i realy loved this ! thank you so much for the wonderful entry and best wishes in the contest !
thank you for your precious time and support !
yours
Truthwriter -
This is Raw! The best to you baby! And some people think they can flow!
You got this in the bag little sis! 
No need to wish luck to skill!
Love ya,
Renee
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Intelligent.
I really enjoyed reading this. The way you wrote it is very original, and I like that.
This piece is so in-depth and gives me so much to think about..you definitely fulfilled choice #2 well. Thank you SO much for entering the contest, and I wish you the best of luck! =)
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EXCELLENT WRITE
I love that it is long! This write is...wow...truly captivating...probably because I was born and most raised in the city and I can remember seeing a lot of these people around my neighborhood...I myself related mostly the first stanza unfortunately...but anyways, enough about me!You captured such a realness in this poem! You displayed the city as a place with very diversed people and the very real struggle of the city. Great flow and word usage...your words glided beautifully across the screen...tremendous write!
-sydni
Edited on May 05, 8:41 p.m. because 'typo'. -
unfortunately there is places in this world like the cluttered thug run cities. i love the characters in this poem - though at first the vibe kind of gives a sade feeling, there is a lot of pride you put into it. oh, hope that made sense haha. your rhyming skill is amazing, your one of the few author's ive read that can rhyme and still have it makes sense because sometimes people just throw in words that will rhyme but dont fit. but let me tell you, each word you've written fits together and i love the complete puzzle at the end! i love the passion that is clearly shown in your writing!
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I like how you wove all three of the different walks of life in here and you stand true in how all can be so different in not knowing much about the other but without the Class in stature we are all the same. We are people no matter where we live or what we have and we all have feelings and should respect one anothers. That is what I got from this. People really need to take time out of their days to look around and see what we have in this World.
It was nice to hear from you again!
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Excellent
I'm speechless by this, Your way of thinking is wonderful and the conclusion you ended this with was stunning, You have analyzed these people far better then most ever could...Your talent as always graces the page and the image you have painted has left a mark! Excellent write!
Kimberly -
yes it is sad how we share sad stories and dont brightne up each othersday...why isnt the news full of god stories we do tend to focus on bad things in favour of good things. just think of how manytimes you hear people talking about their ailements still its a way that brings people closer together no matter what thye talk about as long as they do talk and dont fight...i loved the rhyming in this and the length of the lines and it read beautifully...really enjoyed it
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Excellent compendium of view on the city.
Love the title.
The poem works in grand movement of sorts. Seems the rhymes at the beginning half are more potent in delivering the message than the rhymes in the last two stanza.
One little logic thingy:
Because of a poor person's inherent greed,
This line seems to imply that poor people are inherently greedy. Hmmmm. Maybe adjusting the line to:
Because of a people's inherent greed,
Of course that doesn't exactly fit the meter, but logic makes sense.
Again, a very good write, which took some thinking to turn into poetry.
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BRAVO "X" 10
I think this is the best writing I have found at AP to date! I am an apartment manager in such a city, and know the truth behind your words. I found this to be exceptionally well written and thought out. Fantastic write!!! -
Wow THAT WAS AMAZING! You really caught the spirit of the city in a poem! your an amazing poet. I've seen you around the site a few times! What amazing work! Incredible job. I only wish that one day i could come close to writing like you do!
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A real mix of incendiary emotions going on here with the scathing attack on modern society you have painted a dark picture of a hopeless urban city which i found you made tangible with your style of writing and vivid descriptions. Controversial but not preachy or melodramatic - a good entry in to your collection and i imagine not a easy subject to write about. You did it very well/
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One meter from perfect
Very nice! The, ah, rhyming gives it a singsong quality that sort of takes away from it's impressiveness... but I think it's really cool. Any plans for expansion? This definitely has openings. Thanks for sharing, a bunch! Like I said, just maybe work on making it less singsong. Oh, and ah, just curious... does this refer to a specific city? Thanks~ -
Great
Hi Ravin. . A wonderful saga – that is better out than in.
When I was four years old I stumbled out of an air raid shelter into a dust filled street in London - where all the houses were gone – destroyed by the bombing, and replaced by piles of brick and rubble scattered amongst the smoke and fire – many neighbours were dead and my mother was crying. A government man came along and tied labels around our necks and we were put on trains out of the city of London away from the bombing. . . I look back on those days with pride – and no doubt the lady in your poem will eventually do the same – it is wonderful to survive a colourful beginning – it enriches you as your writing shows. . People that have everything at the beginning have no challenge and little to achieve. Albert -
Sends up balloons!
I found this poem on the Featured page
This is a wonderful piece of work
masterful and so fluid
I like it very well!
Edited on Sep 19, 9:06 because ''. -
such a lovely story
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I grew up as a poor child from the city so I can certainly understand that few point. I like the whole piece though. It's good, and it protrays city life all to well. Great job.
~Destiny~
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i agree with all of the above comments and also think this piece should be read and shared in an educational setting, school, workshop, etc. It speaks to so many about so much. I can relate to almost every phase. Thanx for a heartfelt excellent write, Conni
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EXQUISITE!
Raven,
I am a performance artist, and this piece is stage worthy. I can see the characters telling their stories. The wording is so matter of fact. The rhyming is structured just perfectly. The poem is exactly the right length, not too long, not too short... just right. I too come from the first, and second paragraphs...my brother who is a renowned Minister in our city has accomplished the third paragraph, and I see them all telling the last paragraph of the story to sum it all up. Sometimes I think theatrically. This poem takes me to the stage. What an excellent performance piece this has made me see. EXQUISITE!
Thank You...for telling ths story with an earnest insight, and an eye for detail.
Thank you also for all the support you have given in your comments on my poetry. You are an inspiration, and indeed one of the reasons I write!
Much Love,
Renee
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WOW! that was amazing how you fit so much into that poem.. no line was wasted. it was full of opinions that were said so forcefully in a gentle way. i loved it!
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It's interesting to see so many viewpoints expressed in just one poem. I don't think it's too long. You weave your stories well.
Take care & best wishes. -
Excellent
Raven, I really love this. I love the way you use multiple characters for the different views and then bring them all together. I can tell a lot of thought and heart went into this piece. I don't want to comment anymore than to say that because it speaks for itself. Great job! -
Truly, i agree with BluePhoenix, I am speechless. It is not this bad here, or....at least, you can't see how bad it is here, but...I've been in places like this. This is stunning, beautiful, heart wrenching.
It's just....so good, I don't want to mar it with words that mean less than they should.
Excellent.. -
....wow....
Wow.... I am completely awe-stricken by this piece. (Truly speechless, my apologies in advance for the crappy comment to come!)
Though a simple form to follow in reading, the rhyming was absolutely incredible. (that wasn't a complimentary slam, I didn't mean "Simple, you should change that." By all means, don't touch this piece!!) I honestly couldn't tear my eyes away. (I didn't try too hard to, but I didn't want to, anyway) This is an absolutely amazing piece. (And I'm not paid or geting any sort of benefit (other than being enlightened by such work) to say that. You can trust me!)
Wonderful, wonderful writing.
phoenix -
Vivid
I'm a country boy, Raven, from way back in the sticks. My experience with the city had mostly do with a girl who did crack that I foolishly fell in love with. Long story...Your poem brings much of what I saw back to me...Good work, useful work, a line from one of my poems reads, "Whatever is hidden remains to be seen", it is rather bitter and I have not posted it. I liked this.
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