People come
and People go,
with their cats
and their dogs,
While I watch.
I grow old,
the families change,
time passes
and life fades
but not mine!
People who seek
immortality
fail to realize
that I have it
and I wish to give it up!
Author notes
In a way, stairs are slightly immortal.. especially in large houses and stuff.. they can last for hundreds of years.. if they are "correctly" built lol.
A contest entry
- Picture and Title Inspired writes, 15 lines or less. by mysticstorm.
550 points, ended May 4, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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LOL... I really like this... a much brighter insight to the picture to what I got... I really liked these lines the most...
"I grow old,
the families change,
time passes
and life fades
but not mine!"
never really thought about it before...
great interpretation of the pic, well done!!!
good luck in the contest.
peace and light always
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The first stanza is werid..."people come and people go" is good but what is the the cat and dog thing, doesnt really add to the poem, it seems like it was just thrown in there. But the rest is good. The second Stanza is my favorite. In my opinion you should have went more in depth with having Immortality and what a pain it is to have...yet everyone wants it, some would give anything to have it. Goodluck.
Autumn
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I love this! I can't imagine this not pulling a shiney, this was just excellent! Creative, emotional and quite visual! I think you had an excellent flow, almost lyrical in read, it just danced for me. I wish you luck in the contest (although I don't think you need it
) and this was certainly my pleasure to read this evening ~Tia
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So true,your author's comments. I've traversed and fallin down some several centuries old myself.Nice take penned from the stairs point of view.
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I loved the similarie and feeling of the stairs having a life and wishing they could move on as well.
Nicely done.
Thank you for entering! -
i dont really like it, kind of....emotionless. but pic inspired ca nbe hard sometimes. the first stanza kinda starts it off bad, makes it feel like its kind of a joke (dont ask why =p) but the rest is pretty good so maby try redoing the first stanza and adding a bit more to the poem. well thats my opinion i hope it helps =)
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immortality woww nice write great job
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alright
Not bad but it just comes out of no where with it all and then you jump right into immoratality i think you could of added a few more stanzas in there. still kinda like it though.
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Nice. You used the pic as good inspiration to take you somewhere great with this write. Thanks for sharing.
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