I couldn't put words to this if I tried...

My last time to vent you;
Out of here, get out of here.
Every reminder is a reminder.
Every one was true.

Every word was literal
When I laughed, I was not laughing;
Inside you were my heart attack,
The demon that thrives inside.

And now I feel shamed,
Stupid and embarassed.
I felt something I knew was not to be in return
So why do I feel now so sorry;
So burdened,
When you didn't even know the story;
Nobody needed to know.

But I felt something
And it was real.
It wasn't love;
Which Im glad of.
But it was the hope you'd be there;
It was the sense of your presence.
But the disappointment,
You didn't even want harmony.
Living in this dischord,
You cared less,
Could you have been more nonsensical?

I let this run from inside of me;
To protect you from knowing.
To let the story bleed
Would be to give up a reputation
More important before you.
It was before you.

When I laugh in your presence,
I will only be hiding the emotion.
The foolishness of the past.
I won't trust again,
You made it so I couldn't.
I thought I could migrate out of you;
You only pushed me back inside.
Right now,
I'm where I would have always wanted to be,
That while ago,
Before this all came down.
And now I'm everywhere I don't.