In the mail there came a game
that we’d all longed to play.
Set in a fiery magic land
it’s the “realest” game they say.
You enter in through the obelisk.
Just knock upon the door.
Into a land where dragons roam;
into the time before.
You gather coins and potions;
barter with the native fairies;
search for enchanted monoliths;
pick dark exploding berries.
To win the game you must survive
till from each obelisk you’ve stolen;
a treasure that a dragon guards.
Each one of them is golden.
From the moment that you start it
the game seems more than real.
You’re walking thru a world…
you can see and taste and feel.
We find the first obelisk
a looming ruby spire.
Inscribed with ancient words
that heighten our desire.
The booty that awaits us
is the golden fleece of olde.
All we need do to claim it
is break the dragons hold.
But the dragon is near three score long
with claws like crimson daggers.
And we watch in troubled awe
as my friend Jason staggers.
The vigilant monster catches him
in his deadly flaying grasp;
and his essence rains upon us
as we hear his dying gasp.
We try to quit the game now…
we’re covered in drying gore.
But the only way out is to gather the loot
and the cursed obelisks number four.
Sitting round the blood drenched board
terrified by our comrades fall
we have no choice but to finish the game
That is no game at all.
Patricia Gibson-Little
Author notes
I had a challenge for a contest to write a poem featuring an obelisk. I already wrote one and entered it. But now I’ve written another poem. Didn’t plan it… didn’t try it… didn’t want it. But after sleeping about an hour there it was taunting me. “The Obelisk” I guess I can’t enter two, so I posted it in my poems and see what people think. Thank you. Patti
Written July 24th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Excellent
Dungeons & Dragons meets Jumanji! You should write this as a screenplay and send it to Joe Johnston. He directed Jumanji, The Pagemaster and The Rocketeer. This would make a great movie. Excellent write! Very entertaining.
Mark -
very good
Wonderfully crafted poem. Most enjoyable and extremely well written. How often do we wish for the other side of the fence only to realize too late our mistake. Your rhymes were good, your story was good. I will be back.
Thanks
John -
i enjoyed reading this...but the first seven stanzas have a different "feel" than the rest, as if you wrote those lines first and then came back to them...the last four stanzas have a slight "rushed" or "forced" feel to them...also, on the third line of the fifth stanza you spelled "through" "thru"...thru doesnt fit to me it seems with the rest of the language you used in this piece....
i still did enjoy this piece, fairly original idea, a game that isnt a game...like Life.
good job and thanks for sharing.
ViNce -
Very well written. You had me entranced.
I agree with SweetSurrender. This would make a great story.
Krishna -
A very clever poem and nicely done
For some strange reason
It reminded me of Christmas shopping.
Fine poem I really enjoyed it.
RR
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Seems like a garish mixture of Jumanji, Jason And The Argonauts and Dungeons And Dragons. I love it. It all comes from the usual lines that you'd expect of dragons and treasure but to me it hints of life. Always striving to get what you want only to die in the end (as I think I said in one of my poems somewhere) so yeah, this one is amazing and can be interprested as simply a game or a metaphor for life.
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Nifty game, interesting poem. The images are very vivid and are backed by a strong word choice. I enjoyed muches!
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love this poem, im a massive fan of fantasy and this poem just sucks me in, I love it, love it, cant think of anything more to say!! great write as usual you are awesome.!
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I was not sure at first , but the more I read , the more I got drawn in to this write and the game Grat job !!!!!
Reenie
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Well done on writing two on the subject given to you, you are right of course you can't post both but you can IM me again for another subject if you wish to enter another piece.
Brilliant writing.
J. -
::applause::
Wow! Awesome, and I'm honored to be the first to comment The game in the poem reminds me a little bit of the movie Jumanji. It was really creative, very well done. I can see everything happening in my mind -- you know, this would probably make a pretty awesome story. ^-^ Again, Bravo!
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