Well I think I'm still fallin'
Through black paradise
And I want to
Because I feel like the rain is my muse
And I can't wait to fall over your windowsill
And drip down the alleyways
And find myself in love with you
A ripple in a puddle
Someday, you gotta know
That I will get to heaven
Like Jesus Christ, the carpenter
A tool of my trade
The cirrus and the cumulus hold me
And fill me, and I fill them
And I want to fall again, soon
Because I'm a fool
Then the sun comes up and it shines right through me like an epiphany
And I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles
Up here, perched on top of everything
And I want to free-fall, just like I told you
Into infinity
Some day. . .
I'll drip on your tongue and run through your organs
Fill your cells and flow through your fingertips
Onto black and white piano keys
And the world will hear me, brilliant and beautiful
And I will hear them crying, tears in their eyes
And I will fall
And I will fall
And I will fall
And I will fall
Cupped in wrinkled hands. . .
Author notes
Yeah. This is my interpolation of two things: "Train Underwater" by Bright Eyes and the color I am 'feeling' right now, opal, the color of dreams. My dreams (or, rather, the thought of them,) have been consuming me lately, and I think especially about love, about space, about time, about myself and my future, about planets, about blackness, about infinity, about fragility, about God and godlessness, about dimensions and being without dimensions, and about the metacognition of dreams themselves. Opal describes that, I think. How something is black and colored and has optical illusions all at the same time. So. I am opal; Raindrops are opal; And I am the rain.
>>>>>Rain<<<<<<
I had to.
~Dead Kennedy Rolls~
A contest entry
- I'm dark blue, how about you? by Avendesora Dreamer.
575 points, ended May 7, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems and Songs by gentle breeze.
495 points, ended June 4, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Acheronian Green by lie.
900 points, ended April 28, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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and tickled on fingers
I love this. You let your heart run free, loosing idiosyncrasies all the way down; it's falling and taking a few stereotypes with you as you go.
Ok, that's all I gotta say, thanks so much...
Kj
Is he gone?
WOW!
I didn't want to offend him with an over indulgence of praise but that really rocked. Wicked; loved it from the puddle quandaries to his monochrome piano touch. He was the rain.
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yes! hey thanks so much, i really enjoyed your comment. and your enthusiasm.
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I was just talking to my friend about how reading things that relate to my current situation make me mad.
Congratulations I'm really angry now. I'm kidding.
But in all honestly I can definitely understand where you're coming from and I love the link to the lyrics of the Bright Eyes song.
Anyway, back to the poem, I think in some ways, the 'verse' parts of the piece were a little rough around the edges, but I absolutely adored:
"And I can't wait to fall over your windowsill
And drip down the alleyways
And find myself in love with you
...
I'll drip on your tongue and run through your organs
Fill your cells and flow through your fingertips
Onto black and white piano keys
And the world will hear me, brilliant and beautiful
And I will hear them crying, tears in their eyes"
it's a long quotation, but those are some of the best lines of poetry I've read in a while.
The feel of the poem is perfect. It has a soft, but strong feel to it.
Great work, .. and opal is a good color to be.
PS. your author's notes always leave me feeling happy. (-: Thanks for entering.
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thank you very much for your kind words. they make me happy, and i am very glad that you liked this piece.
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This is interesting. I see how it links to the song you chose in many ways like with the images of water and the theme of love among others. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck.
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Wonderful poem.
It captivated me.
Welldone on a brilliant write up.
Goodluck in the contest.
Emily x -
So awesome.
I loved:
"And I can't wait to fall over your windowsill
And drip down the alleyways
And find myself in love with you
A ripple in a puddle"
Really, awesome poem.
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Vivid and vibrant imagery you paint upon this page. This piece draws the reader in immediately and holds attention with great expression and emotional pull. My only suggestion would be to possibly omit some of the "and's" as they are slightly repetitive and distracting. This was an engaging and compelling read. Congrats on the Gold!
~Lori
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Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it and I adore opals, especailly black ones, though I have never had the pleasure of seeing one in person, much less owning one. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e 
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thanks for entering! i'll give a full comment when i judge. =D good luck
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this is great...this takes the idea of a color so far beyond the eye to what the color feels as it shimmers in our sight...which is what I wanted out of this...thank you..."Then the sun comes up and it shines right through me like an epiphany
And I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles
Up here, perched on top of everything
And I want to free-fall, just like I told you
Into infinity
Some day. . .
I'll drip on your tongue and run through your organs
Fill your cells and flow through your fingertips
Onto black and white piano keys
And the world will hear me, brilliant and beautiful
And I will hear them crying, tears in their eyes".....these lines in particular are just great
thank you for the entry!
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