Early morning it was as I recall
the cold mist yet in retreat
to the knights of light falling through the leaves
of scrubs and trees, colored and tall.
A boy in shorts you'd see
with a crook'd stick Excalibur in hand
climbing his stone parapet in glee
to gaze upon, and claim, his magic land.
That memory I carry within a tin
knotted into a piece of twine
for it was only then the magic tints
of everything entwined
A contest entry
- Pathway To Paradise by poeticweaver.
600 points, ended May 15, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This morning I was looking at pictures of nephews, nieces and my own kids taken years ago when they were still very young. The innocent smiles and looks reminded me how simple it is to feel happy when we are young.
Your poem has that feeling of innocence and kept memories.
I truly enjoyed it, specially after looking at my own memories
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excellent~
A fascinating and wonderful poem you have penned here...
Had just a wee bit of time to come visit you today
Best of luck in the contest...this looks and reads like a winner to me
Hugs
Susan~~~
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I simpy loved this poem ...
for the vividness of its paradise ... and for the innocence of its claim.
But:
Please look into punctuation and capitalization:
Early morning it was as I recall
the cold mist yet in retreat
to the knights of light falling through the leaves
of scrubs and trees, colored and tall.
A boy in shorts you'd see
with a crook'd stick Excalibur in hand
climbing his stone parapet in glee
to gaze upon, and claim, his magic land.
That memory I carry within a tin
knotted into a piece of twine
for it was only then the magic tints
of everything and me entwined.
Love
Myra
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Ooooohhh moooom...do I have to?!
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Grinnik ... dit neem laaaaaaaaaaaank vir my om te seg: nee man nefie, net as jy lus voel.
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Die beste dinge neem laaaaank.
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Uhoh.
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so... you did decide to get outside for a little sun. Glad to hear it.
I like this a lot Kneef. It ain't the polish but the poem and it conveys that youthful sense of wonder,sure, but even harder is capturing how we hold onto that sense of wonder, how we relate to it as we "mature." We never really lose it, but it isn't quite the same. It's more like something carried in a tin, something twined and entwined.
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well done, I applaud you.
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I loved reading this poem. Very sweet, nostalgic (and yes, somewhat cheeky)take on the beautiful picture.
Just a little niggle: maybe change soldiers to knights to sort of complete the whole Excalibur thing.
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Okay, I've tried it. It reads on a whole different level now.
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I liked the atmosphere. Magical but there is something very cheeky about it
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Thanks for your entry, just reading a few, and looking forward in judging this one. Very unique, and I wish you all the best. Peace, and thanks so much for your entry. -Timothy
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fascinating write my friend.. love how you did this with such an economy of words. Well written
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