I shall multiply my days as the Hol, the phoenix." (Job 29:18
From the Garden of Eden everything fell
after tasting the fruit Eve savored
but the phoenix stood on it’s monolith
and refused the deadly flavor
All other life now lives and dies
As eons pass on this spinning sphere
only one eternal being dwells
Not understanding a mortal’s fear
Almost too beautiful to bear
with flaming beak and blazing wings
red and gold unite as one.
Time stops when the phoenix sings
Across the sky a thousand miles
it must fly from wherever it roams
to Heliopolis and the sacred obelisk
once each 500 years; to live it must go home
It builds its nest in the morning light
atop the sun gods spire
lined with incense sticks and myrrh
it’s heavenly voice calls down the fire
Ashes lay in a smoldering pile
Perfume fills the air
But death hasn’t triumphed on this day
for this is phoenix’s lair
out of the vestiges beacons shine
living proof the inferno can’t win
Hell hath no power to over the pure
No claim on the one without sin.
Into the light the phoenix arises
dressed in its plumage so rare
Standing atop the sun god’s obelisk
it’s a birth no other would dare.
Patricia Gibson-Little
July 23, 2003
Author notes
My challenge was to write a poem use an obelisk as the subject matter; the im said it didn’t have to be the title but should figure in some symbolic or metaphoric sense. I hope this qualifies.
My poem actually encompasses several legends pertaining to the phoenix. The obelisk was also known as the ben-ben stone and some myths say that the phoenix lived there, others that it only returned there to die or to deposit the ashes left when it resurrected.
I’m not sure this is finished, but after working on it off and on for most of the day (and night) I wanted to see how it was working. Suggestions are very welcome.
Written July 24th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Worth the effort. by Smilingspider.
250 points, ended August 29, 2003, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is really good, but you have two spelling errors in this line: the first to should be too, and bare should be bear.
Almost to beautiful to bare
I found it very enjoyable, rather exciting and imaginitive. The allusion to the Garden of Eden and Eve's loss of perfection, and how the Phoenix got around that works really well.
Edited on Dec 06, 6:07 p.m. because ''. -
I like this poem, I love magical things and I think phoenix's are one of the most interesting animals in mythology!! I really like your poem, so I have a proposition for you. If you feel up to it, write another poem about magic, magical creature, or what have you for my contest? pretty please?? If you want to it's called Magical Fantasy. It'll be open until the 6th of september. great poem, and description here!! I can really follow the phoenix on his journey!
Rae -
Congrats on £rd place, your months membership has been paid just wait for Kevin to put it all in place.
Very well done.Jules. -
A phoenix, eh . . . that's really neat! Have you written other poems about other mystical creatures? My favourite is probably the unicorn
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another fantastic write, well researched on the phoenix, this kind of poem would be so hard for me to write and it just flowed out so naturally in your words! as usual I am blown away!!
Edited on Jul 24, 10:14 p.m. because 'typos!'. -
Very many thanks, yes this does qualify very much so, if the other entries are as good as this then I've got a hard job judging.
Good luck. I am also very honoured that you took the time to look up the subject given and utilised that in the piece.
p.s. thanks for the title, you have every right to edit the piece until judgement day.
Jules.
Edited on Jul 24, 4:24 because 'said more.'.
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