Chapter 1
Long ago in a land called Jade it was a time of war. A wise blacksmith made two swords of great power, the Dragon fang and the Phoenix blade. Embedded into the swords was the power of good and evil but the power came from the person who used it. The old blacksmith gave the sword to his son and his friend. His son, Lance, was a brave man and believed that the people need his help. Lance’s friend believed that the swords were for power. The wise blacksmith gave his son, Lance, the Dragon Fang, and his friend, Elron, he gave the phoenix blade. The wise man told them “Never let your swords fall into the hands of evil or Jade will be cast into darkness forever”. Lance loved his father so much so he only used his sword for the people. Elron only cared for power so he joined the Jade army.
As the years went by Lance and Elron stopped talking, but one day, the Jade army was needed in the city of Stars. The city of Stars is now the home of lance. He had to flee his old hometown because of a dark army called the shadow. The shadow came to Jade five years ago. Their powers were dark and demonic. And they were like devils when the sun goes down. Lance was awakened by the sounds of men walking outside. Lance got out of bed to look out the window and saw the Jade army walking in the streets. As he looked at the flag it said “Jade Troopers Troop 665”. Then Lance heard the voice of his long lost friend. Lance got dressed and put his sword on his belt. Then he walked outside to see Elron. He didn’t have to look for long. Elron was in the captain’s tent going over a war map. Lance walked inside the tent and said “hello”. Elron looked up at him and said “Lance. Lance it is you long time no see”. Lance looked at the map and said “Why is the army in the city of stars?” “I’ll tell you later,” Elron said, as he walked out of the tent.
Lance moved to follow him but stopped when he heard the war bells ringing. Lance ran to the city gates and helped close them and then he saw them coming over the hills. There were about 100 of them. he shadow army had come to the city. Lance ran to where Elron was and said, “We have to get people out of the city”. Elron looked at him and said, “All don with that the men need to stay to help the army O.K.” Then both were blown back five feet from a fireball. Lance took out his sword and said, “This one’s for Jade.” Soon he was running up to the fight with the men of the city. Lance found a man with bloodshot eyes coming for him. Lance put his hands together and said “Fire Art of the Dragon: Fire Blast” then the was a big fireball coming from his sword the one sword that was given to him the Dragon Fang was awaken. A few hours later a lot of men had been killed but Lance cut his way throw the battle field looking for Elron. Then he saw, Elron, he was fighting something, a demon. Then the demon cut Elron down.
As if some unknown power was awaken within him Lance was now becoming less man and more of dragon. His sky blue eyes were now red his brown hair was now white. He charged for the demon but missed. Then the demon said “Is this the best you people can do.” Lance looked at him and said “Fool I have just begun.” Lance charged at the demon again and said “Dragon Slash”. A great blast of power came from the Dragon Fang as Lance slashed at the demon, but the demon was too fast for Lance and blast him back to the ground. As Lance hit the ground a stream of blood came from his mouth. Then the demon said “You are the first person to live from a blast like that, but now there is a dark poison going through your body. Now I will give you two months tops, but now I must go.” The demon jumped up and spread its bony wings and flu off in the dark sky. As the Jade army stared to go though the body’s of the dead Elron was one of the many that had died. Lance was so sick he couldn’t even live his bed.
Soon his wife (Rena) came to see him so they talked a little, then she told him that she was to have a baby at the end of two mouths. The next week Lance had vanished from his hospital bed. Rena was very worried about her husband. Three days later Lance came out of the forest. He was rushed back to the hospital. Two mouths later, Rena was in labor and Lance at the same time was about to die from the poison. Soon Rena gave birth to a boy so they named him Ecarioto.
Lances last request was to hold his son for the first and last time. Lance’s last worlds for his son were “Ecarioto you are the one. The one destined to bring peace to Jade”. With that, Lance’s soul was gone. Soon a nanny came into the room to take Ecarioto back to his mother. As Ecarioto was closing his eyes to sleep, he herd the nanny sing him a song “Sleep little worrier let your dreams take you away one day when you’re big and strong you will show your people the way.”
As she sung to him Ecarioto was resting and so was his mother. They will walk into the further together.
Ecarioto is now 7. Ecarioto has blue eyes and blonde hair. His mom has been trying to make it so he can’t learn how to fight but he learned by watching the men of the city. One day as Ecarioto was walking by the forest a long horned dragon attacked him Ecarioto pulled a knife from his belt to fight back but the dragon was to powerful for him he lost that battle. The dragon left a scar on his left eye a scar that will never go away. Ecarioto was in his home talking to his nanny (hotaru). “What time dos mom get back” he asked her. “Around noon dear” she replied. Ecarioto looked out the window then got up to sit on his nanny’s lap “can you sing to me in till mommy gets back” he asked. Hotaru looked at him and said “if I sing to you it will make you go to sleep”. Ecarioto looked down and was about to go to his room when she said “fine”. “ sleep now little worrier let your dreams take way one day won your big and strong you will show your people the way.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is a nice adventure story. It could use some editing and the restating of a few lines but all in all it's a fun read the kind that brings out the child in usall of us. Thanks for being a contestant an happy trails.
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Sounds like a children's story from the first paragraph. Your grammar is better. Need a little more punctuation. Reminds me a lot of Lord of the Rings or Star Wars. Description is good though. Not bad, its fairly enjoyable. Not bad, keep up the good work. I await the next chapter.
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This is a very well written story, I much enjoyed it =]
You did a fine job writing this.
♥
Kaela
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Very well written. I remeber that last line from a movie. It happens to be a favorite.
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Holy cow
wow james thats really good. i have a romance novel but i dont think i will put that up. its not bad but its just kinda stupid.

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