Negative Flirtation

I want to be hard enough to
Make the road cry to compare
Leave my mark on those before
To stand up to a thousand more

To ruin the stone, make it my own
Fill it with my, desecration
Wear the rock to nameless bone
Bruise beyond all recognition

I'm feeling and I'm fading
Is this impressing you?
Is this vanity a good thing
Is it all I ever do?
Do you need a spectacle
For me to make a bloody fool
Of myself while I humiliate
And confess to all those
Wishes that I threw?
The well swallowed them up
In a dishonest, tragic pool.

Maybe a persona of "I don't fucking care"
Will coax those feelings from the air
The less I look at you,
The more I'm hoping that you'll stare.

Are the walls wearing thin?
Will I ever move within?
Is this more useless complaining,
About battles I'll never win?

I've got this restless tide
Batters around inside
Stirring up the dust, and
Leaving me open wide
In the end, there'll be nothing
Left to mend..
What's the point to hoping,
For a future that tends
To be, a little bleak?

I'll tell you why;
Sometimes our treasures die
Some truths we cannot abide
It might seem obscene
Following unlikely dreams
Yet though they tear me inside
Thoughts of you often give me drive..
To go on..
In a dark place..
So full of hate and rape and altercations..

And every time you break my reality..
I'll be ready to rebuild,
Until the next fool that I choose,
Looks at me differently than you do..