O G-d, am I losing my faith?
This laughable paradox rings clear
Over hills, under moons, through nightgowns and the ears of 'lumined women…
…even unto the deep blue sea
Author notes
C, G# and Bb
A contest entry
- When You Know its Wrong - But you Believe its Right (winner takes all) by Gypsy Rover.
1000 points, ended June 21, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, honest though::
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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very creative- nice job.
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thisis very short and itsodd
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*shame* What are 'lumined women? Do you mean illumined women? I like the start and end, I'm not sure about the third line, which seems to indicate you are referring to romance, but I don't see the relation to the quote. The Deep blue sea is a referral to far away from everything? I would put the first line between quotation marks. Not sure if laughable is the word I'd use though it does fit the cynicism, I just don't like the word much. Thoughtful write, nice work.
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Yeah, illumined, just an abbreviation for aesthetics. I'm sad you don't like the third line, I am partial to it. The Deep Blue Sea reference is actually taken from Jewish theology, I can't remember who wrote it but they described God's power and presence as reaching 'even unto the depths of the sea'.
This poem is not cynical, but an affirmation of faith. The question is answered in the first two words. The beauty expressed in the third line carries the joy forward where it is immersed in the sea. Laughable, I guess I can see where you're coming from with that. I myself considered changing it. What might you substitute?
Thanks for the comment.
K. F. -
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Oh, it makes more sense now. I guess the 'laughable' threw me off. The third line fits in better too, considering it's not meant to be cynical. I did like it I just didn't see how it fit in. Perhaps 'ludicrous' would be a good substitute for 'laughable'? I'd suggest something that refers to how absurd you think it is to be faithless.
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It's not that I find faithlessness laughable, I find it very understandable (there is even wisdom in it). It is the paradox itself that is laughable, of calling out to God - am I losing faith? This is what is laughable because the question has answered itself before it is even asked. It just makes me laugh whenever I call out in that way.
K. F. -
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Right, right. I think I cut my sentence short there. 'to think you are faithless, when you've confirmed you're not.'
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Interesting concept of faith. I wonder at times if faith is necessarily a matter of belief in God or in religious doctrines? Or is faith by necessity in contrast to, or divorced from.. reason and rational thinking? So you have rational faith as a convinction which is rooted by one own experience of thought or feeling and/or the the quality of certainty and firmness which our convictions have.. hmm it's so beautifully written in your poem and it pervades the whole personality rather than being a specific belief. Nice reflective thinking. Regards.
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Thankyou for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. For me faith has to do first and foremost with God and only secondarily with specific religious doctrine. I do, however, believe that one's specific doctrine is important, only one should not place the same faith in a doctrine as they do in God. I think that if religious faith limits reason's capacities (which it does for many) there is something wrong, there are however limits to reason beyond which faith (whether atheistic or theistic) of some form must follow. I believe that faith does pervade a whole personality which is why interfaith dialogue should not fall apart over points of doctrine. Cheers again, I will examine your poems shortly.
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Hmmmm, I think I'm a bit lost here. I'm not quite sure what this one is about and I apologise for missing the point completely. Sorry. I think I'll go and read some of your other writes.
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Wonder what the C,G, Bb meant. Thinking of notes on a scale, like b flat, then again could be letters representing spaces, names?? I know there is something I am missing in these lines - regarding am I losing my faith? but cannot find it anywhere. HELP.... I guess to have faith you must believe, and if you are losing it then of course you have none. Maybe that is it, but then what about the other two lines?
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G'day, don't worry about the meaning, just let it sit. C, G# and Bb are notes in a chord that capture the mood of the piece, that's all. It was also a play on words, they ask for author NOTES, so I figured why not take that musically.
Thanks for your comment.
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