There is a space, a void almost--
where even the smallest
of this world can not slip in
like a burglar intent
on stashing great-grandmother's
heirloom ring beneath
a trench coat and strolling away
with more than just a bauble of gold,
ruby stoned-- like a secret escaped
into gossip; mill of words
passed, carelessly. A place
where hope still has a heart
that beats and your eyes
shall shine, again, when we meet.
I will love you, then.
Author notes
79 words... give or take one (or two).
This is not a decision to remain here... but since the contest created the inspiration, I felt it only right that I shared it here.
Or maybe that is merely my excuse to post. Who knows? I never try to truly figure myself out.
It is what it is. Whatever that may be.
I might not be excited about this site... but I sure do love these author's notes.
A contest entry
- Empty Vessel by Zayra Yves.
950 points, ended May 17, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It's simple, I know. But even the most simple things deserve poetry, don't they?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I've been reading through all your poems. Seems you've not been writing much yourself. Just off and on. I'm sure it's more than just this site, but certainly disillusionment has raped us both, emotionally. Though it's of different directions, that dissillusionment.
At any rate, I've decided to leave reviews on two of my favorites of your recent works. This being the second. You state it's simple. And I'm thinking 'Why do you feel that it needs to be complex?' Sometimes things need to be simple. Sometimes it's best that way.
Here, I feel it's just the case for what I mean. I like the simplity and shortness of it. It allowed me to focus in and not spend time trying to decipher through a strange metaphor. There are times and places for those but this was not one of them.
As for the critical, the only thing that really bothered me was the use of 'ruby stoned'. Stoned, just sounded so harsh and unneccessary. Read it out loud, now that it's been awhile since you wrote it and see if you don't hear what I mean.
On the flip side, I think we ultimately got me were the last four lines. I guess I'm still wrapped up in some distant way, and that tapped into those feelings. I really was into this piece.
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You are right... sometimes things do need to be simple.
And 'stoned' is a bit harsh. -
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Well, I'm glad we see pixel to pixel on this...
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The details are well done while not being over done. I like the simplicity of this piece that is understated but not without its brevity. You are a gifted writer.
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I liked it
this site does create a lot of drama it seems...
al -
All Poetry is Stolen
All poetry is stolen from somewhere
leastwise I think so.
You pruloined a lovelt one here out of the either
I think the poem ends at
"into gossip; mill of words
passed, carelessly."
that is splendid by the way
breaking gossip and mill
creates a great image
near where I grew up in akron
we had friends with an old water driven mill
i am picturing words ground down into powdery flour to make bread poems
Peace.
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I liked the idea of a secret, private space and the intimacy one can enjoy there...the hope of it always being there or of it returning...a circle that encloses. Lovely poetry.
~ Nicolette
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For me, this is the heart of the poem: "A place where hope still has a heart that beats..."
What an amazing line.
The visual lead-in with pilfering the heirloom ring is pure poetry.
I hope you do not stop posting your gifts here.
Karin
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Yes they do..especially when they are as well written as this. I really liked this. And I always love your comments as well..lol.
Even when you think you write simply, it's never strikes me that way. Excellent.
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