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the Outside Doll

THE OUTSIDE DOLL 

 

I.
She was yeast,
a ball of polyurethane.

The lips of a bad decision
parted slightly like his hair,
and from the fulcrum of one's innocence,
yeast kneaded deep within itself.

 

II.

She was a bubble, was a doll
that had been left outside at night.

[Too bad the light has never shown
in corners where all babies

sleep.]

 

 

III. 

"Little Jezebel," they said.
Her frock was worn too thin; she wore it like a noose

that hung around her neck.


"She couldn't cradle baby's

breath," they said, "It'll be
the death of her."

 

 

IV.

Loved her body then,
but talk more of it now. They love her more

these days

 

when talking's done behind her back,

and from a cloud

 

she cannot hear

their voice. 

 

 

Author notes

I don't believe anyone is pro- teen pregnancy. That said, I believe it's hypocritical for anyone to snigger at a woman who happened to have this happen while we daily make mistakes. Our consequences may not come within nine months, but they are there.

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • thelovesongwriter
    July 28, 2007
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    __++++


  • windhover3 gold member
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this... says enough, uses solid imagery that's general enough to convey the message, but specific and concrete enough that a real person and situation comes through.

    Like the sound of "Little Jezebel", but it comes off as a bit archaic. It's hard for me to picture anyone actually saying that, and I'm from the south... maybe in TX, though. I do like the direct quotes though, this piece could easilly fly away from you if it wasn't grounded here.

    "Loved her body then,
    but talk more of it now." is superb, says it all.

    Not sure what I think about "from a cloud"... it's a bit ephemeral. On the one hand it allows for different interpretations, angelic and/or in a daze, which is great. On the other hand, it offends my personal preference for real world imagery. It works within the context, though, and the ending is strong.

    My opinions, for what they're worth.


  • FaithInWords
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... that's really about all I can say. To be able to convey that kind of message without ever saying it is an impeccable talent and I admire your possession of it.
    -Heather


  • flight
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful message!!!
    I love this to pieces.
    "was a doll
    that had been left outside at night."
    Why didn't I think of that!!
    Almost nightly I have to pick up dolls
    from my yard so they won't get rained on.

    This is beautiful in so many ways.
    peace to all ~flight

  • Oya Ayaba Nikua
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am the product of a teenage pregnancy. My neice is the result of a teenage pregnancy. Dare I say, we are the two most interesting gals in the family? We are. And, it is always easier for people to judge others but we never really know the great mystery of life or the final outcome of a soul's destiny. I like this poem. You have the longest comment from me in ages! Very thought provoking and excellent word usage.


  • CarCrashHumor
    May 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    strong piece.

    this rang with truth.

    loved it, and your author comment.

  • Diseased Mind
    May 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Celticmoon
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    J you could not be more right when saying'we all make mistakes'. We are human and thus we are not perfect. Your words bring to mind memories of friends in school that had made such a mistake and all they have had to endure everyday since. This piece is power packed with images and creativity. The way you have stepped upon your box and voiced your thoughts was done so in a way that will ring in the minds of many of all ages.

    Bravo!


    Always,
    Bel


  • Daoine
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    100

    Wow. You brought it home; the pain, angst, absolute sadness found within the soul of a mistake that can change a life's course indefinitely. It makes me think of the friend, and even my own sister, who had abortions yet still have to deal with the aftermath and pain of their decisions.


  • naked roots
    May 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellently written.


  • April Renee
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    whoa..the ending line is powerful. so many ways to take that in...hopeful on one day..like finding something to smile about in the middle of a storm or extremely sad...like she still can't have what she wants or something. i dont know..very interesting. my mind is mush but i enjoyed it tons. nicely penned. was worth the read. and i love your authors comment.

    blu


  • ButterflyforChrist
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic write! I agree with your authors notes! This is a very powerful poem. Thank you for sharing!


  • love my jose luis
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like how you put your author's notes. I know a lot of girls who have been pregnant and it's just something that you see happening. I think that this shows that people do make mistakes, just some are bigger than others, thank you for pointing that out.
    ~Alix


  • leander gold member
    May 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh dear, I spelled your name wrong


  • leander gold member
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very strong poem that you've written here Justing I can hardly imagine indeed that there is one person who is pro-teen pregnancy. Some of them are even child's on there own - let alone the fact they can take care of their children the right way. They don't earn money yet (at least, most of them) and so on. Very well written and oooh, two new words in first part I never heard of


  • debilynn
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful strong write! everyone has sin in their life...we are humans. thank you Lord for Jesus! thank you for sharing this! keep writing! God bless you always


  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was 20 when I got pregnant, it wasn't planned - it happened. I wasn't married, yes I was with who is now my husband and we were together for years but we weren't married.

    That was the bone of contention with his father. I was a whore. I kept being a whore for two years.

    And then I found out I was pregnant with my second, still with the same man but still not married. When we told his father, he asked me if I was still a whore.

    Yes, we are married now - we knew we would be one day but even if we weren't, we knew that we were together. That just wasn't enough for his father.

    I still get the backlash to this day but I am stronger now and tell him to shove it. I have the love of my children and my husband, who has been with me for 12 years.

    I know that I haven't commented on the actual poem, but this is what came when I read it.


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very strong, very well written...

    much praise


    al


  • natari
    May 2, 2007

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    Wow super Wow,this was probably one of your best yet.Write a book and i promise to sell it to the world.
    ~Helen


  • Twins 4 me
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great write on such a strong topic. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. That's what makes us human. Thanks for sharing this.

    • marrow
      May 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Those are my thoughts exactly. Thank you very much for reading.


  • duke of balabamas
    May 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    dont you get tired of people telling you your work is flawless?

    • marrow
      May 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Never. I have a hard time finding ones that I personally like however. My mom's asked me that I let her read some of my stuff for Mother's Day as she hasn't read anything of mine in the last one to two years; so I have a hard time, with that in mind, finding many that I actually like myself that I'd like to show her or others. You all are the guinea pigs.

1 - 23 of 23