Hope
What is your nature?
Why must you continue to die and be reborn?
You are like ancient methods of torture;
The slow drip foreshadowing insanity,
Never suffering the heart to sleep;
Silently bashing the depths of the spirit.
Unmerciful until death.
Giving no peace until the final rest
Under which your power has no reach.
Are you the result of some great evil,
Or do you exist as those you torment,
A slave to your own being,
Forever wishing to end the flickering infinite
That destroys the hearts of so many touched by it?
The unreality of a fleeting wish holds no candle
To your forever dying and rekindling flame...
Truth is your antithesis
Yet your garden... And you, Hope,
Are the ever-sealed window
That overlooks it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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so i really dont care what everyone else said...i think it all fits nicely...but idk im really weird and have odd idealisms when it comes to poetry...
i loved loved loved (yes i needed three loves there) the retorical questions...they were great.
anyway my random advice that only semi-relates to your poem:
if you are in need of hope, turn to the hopeful, ususally if someone is full fo something then they are capable of sharing it. -
I agree with the comment here, that the beginning doesn't work strongly to help promote the message of the poem. Perhaps it's using the questions, considering questions also appear elsewhere in the piece. Too many questions and the reader doesn't feel like they've discovered anything new. In the fourth line, I'd rather see a TYPE of torture mentioned, verses the vague "ancient methods". Get specific with the imagery and I could definitely connect with what you're trying to say here. The final three lines are exceptionally done, though I'm personally not a fan of using "..." in poetry. I really liked the voice of this, though, and the way dark inclination of the final line.
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I do actually cite a specific method of torture. "The slow drip foreshadowing insanity / Never suffering the heart to sleep..." is a reference to water torture. The victim is strapped to a table with a device above their heads set to drip water at random intervals, causing anxiety because the victim cannot sleep, and they never know when the next drip is going to come; much like the main idea of this poem, that hope is cruel. It comes and it goes, and we have no idea when it will come or go away.
I use ellipses in my poetry to represent a few seconds of silent reflection. I'm not sure if anyone else reads them that way, but that's how I see them. They're more commonly used in other literature to omit portions of text. ("He said blah blah... ...blah blah").
I'll have to think about how I can improve the problem with the questions, although I really don't feel like I'm asking too many. They're rhetorical in nature; not "real" questions, but more or less reflective ones- not asking to ask, but asking to ponder.
Thanks for the comment and the critique! I greatly appreciate all who take the time to seriously read a poem and give honest opinions and suggestions. Peace,
-Adam
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Good!
It is quite ironic that you would write a poem that addresses hope but is really hopelessness. I can't find any real fault with the poem. The only thing that I can really suggest in the form of a critic is to take a look at the first 4 lines of the poem. The way you opened it seems a bit cliche. When I started reading it I could almost feel my eyes rolling back and a yawn coming on, but the rest of the poem is very well done. If you don't want to change it, it is still good- I just think that you are capable of a better introduction.
I really do love this!
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As always, thanks for the comment! I'll have to think about how to improve the intro to make it more effective...
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