I stood on a mountain when I was young,
and I looked down, and up, and all around.
And my mother held my tiny hand,
"This will be yours when you're a man."
As time rushed on (as always does),
I lost whom I most truly loved,
and learned a mother's love can't save,
her loving children from the grave.
And I stood upon my mountain bare,
awash in hate, and hurt, and cares,
as those below all stopped to stare,
at the fallen idol dying there.
But I was not alone above.
There was a home. The home was love.
It wasn't owned by my mother's friend,
even my dark father could not pretend
To enter into this abode,
where I walked in, a child, alone.
I felt the presence of a greater man,
for whom all things have a time and plan.
My mind was torture, a horrid wreck,
and I had to stop and genuflect,
and kneel before that perfect God.
What happened next was great and odd.
As I begged for mercy from my friend above,
he answered back that the truth is love.
that my father and his mindless hate,
would not kill me 'less I shared his fate,
and sold my soul to save my self.
God said just this and nothing else.
And I left his home feeling very strange.
My step was light, hate rearranged
into something I could understand:
the folly of a vengeful man,
who lost his wife and then his son,
with a hate I hope will never come
into my mind, "God, ne'er again!!!"
But I know the truth about my friend.
He's like any friend to tell the truth:
love makes him strong, hate cuts him loose.
To know him well is to know true love.
For he lives inside, not just above.
And like any friend or work of art,
to know him true he must touch your heart!
- ocerus
A contest entry
- round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Outstanding --- Excellent Writing
This is moving and deep -- clear and good, REAL poetry.
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AMAZING!
I absolutely love this piece! Your an amazing writer! This is so obviously emotional, the words are just drenched in emotion that it almost hurts! Excellent!
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I like it, I like the sound of it when you read it aloud. It seems pretty smooth to me. It's a great sentiment, my fav lines are, "And like any friend or work of art, to know him true he must touch your heart."--friends, art, and God--pretty cool. Charlynn
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bravo
A profound piece of work my friend, makes me wonder if this is a true experience. Not being an expert poet doesn't mean that I can't appreciate a work well done, and for me this is remakably well done. Loved it. Val
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Hm.
I enjoyed that this was at least a refreshing view of a stale subject, and truly enjoyed the rhythm, although the flow could've been a tiny bit smoother. This was written in a style that I'm not a fan of, but I did enjoy the poem, so that is indicative of the caliber of this poem. Well Done. -
Nice write even a little shocking, nice rhyme. As it always does. I think it should bee a continuos line.
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I think the final few verses were best. I found that the rest of the poem did not particularly draw me, but those last two verses. Those were this poem's saving grace - if I may be so bold as to say.
It was really very powerful because of those lines (good grief, I'm obsessing) and let the poem pass from something that would have been obscured in the mind, into something a bit less likely to be forgotten. Kudos.
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Powerful
"He's like any friend to tell the truth:
love makes him strong, hate cuts him loose."
Brilliant
--Ellis
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This is a very profound and deep poem you have written here - liked the flow and the message you share. Good rhythm and rhyme, easy to read and understand as well. (Not even too long - notice some of mine are getting longer too.) This is a good friend to have, and many rely on him to be their friend and savior too.
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