Death beckons and I follow
through damned valleys of decay,
through barren hill and hollow,
past fear, too thick to swallow
past despondence and dismay.
Death beckons and I follow
through cleansing waters shallow,
absolution to purvey.
Through barren hill and hollow
unforgiving winds will bellow
feral souls who went astray.
Death beckons and I follow
where the unbaptised still wallow
where the restless spirits flay.
Through barren hill and hollow
where all sinners slowly mellow
to prepare for judgement day.
Death beckons and I follow
through barren hill and hollow.
Author notes
A Villanelle is a poetic form made up of 5 triplets and 1 quatrain. Written in iabic pentameter, with the rhyme repeating itself throughout the poem as well as a rhyme scheme.
A contest entry
- Dark: Villanelles ONLY. by bw43.
850 points, ended May 6, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEACH ME HOW TO WRITE A Villanelle by Swan song.
800 points, ended July 15, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This is a very excellent poem you crooned this one real well. I will be back to read it again.
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i really liked this. sounds morbid and dark, but i guess thats why i like it so much. lol. :D thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest.
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Nice rhyming that must of been hard to keep the rhythym right on let me see something like a,b,a a,b,a then the last being a,b,a,a not bad at all um hope it goes well in the contest
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And with an ado I guess I shall be off great poem though. -
A well cvrafted piece which is a pleasure to read. Darkness, as others have said, percolates the poem and makes it better. It's interesting the way you use nasal sounds and "o" and "a" sounds throughout the piece, which make it seem darker still. Of course, I'm sure you must have seen the link to Poe's poetry in your villanelle. In my opinion, a remarkable, well written, well thought out piece that reserves reading aloud for the resonance of the phonemes I men tioned before. I think it would suit a stormy night by a cemetery...
By the way, you might be aware that the Catholic Church have declared that Limbo no longer exists and that unbaptised souls now go straight to Heaven... Not that this would make any difference to your poem, which is remarkable in itself. -
Bravo
Hey, this IS so neat and nifty! A very finely done villanelle, wonderful, with great movement throughout, loved it, loved it, absolutely loved it! bravo...bravo...bravo!!!
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Well written, dark very dark. This well crafted poem
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Wonderfully done. A real smooth villanelle.
John
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This is great. Your meter is very consistent in the different rhymed lines. Your rhyme is very natural, beautiful. The only thing I would change is that I'd capitalize all lines since this is a formal poetry style. Very well done, good luck in the contest.
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this is a dark and i mean really this is something, i love how you did this one, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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the hairs on the back of my neck stood up!! sad, depressing, but amazingly done. never lose hope. the light at the tunnel is always on.
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Very dark, and full of hopelessness, sad to read but it is beautifully done, and kept true to form chosen. Shivers. Very chilling write
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this poem was really dark yet it was writtin really well. keep writing like you do.
~*~AmandA~*~ -
I just read in someone else's coment that this is a villanelle. Is that right? I don't come into contact with them much. Either way, this is superb!!!
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Hi ocerus, first let me thank you for your terrific comment, I am most flattered. In answer to your query on the villanelle it is definately not a new form.Most experts agree that the form derives from a round sung by farmhands and that the name comes from the Latin villa,(farm) and villano (farmhand)The earliest known villanelle is a poem about a turtledove by Jean Passerat (1534-1602)
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WOWEE!!!!!! Now, THIS is creativity!!!!!!! My dear God, is this GOOD!!! I'm not really sure what to say at this point except to say - you know what?! THIS IS AWESOME!!! It's almost as if you are having a playful romp in darkness fueled and sustained by your love for words!!! Is this an entirely new form?! I mean, I'm asking seriously becuase I don't recall ever seeing anythin like this in my LIFE! It is so playful and . . . well, it's formless - BUT IT HAS FORM!!! WOW!!! Man, I don't know what to say! I have read a couple of good ones here today, and this one is up there with the best. And with all due respect to the other poets - who are also very good - this is, frankly, the most creative thing I've encountered in God knows how long!!! EXCELLENT!!!! - ocerus
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I think many people have a love hate relationship with death, it is something people the word over are obsessed with, yet something people also fear and revile.
This poem is simply brilliant to read because it flows smoothly without haveing the cheesy sing song feel of most rhymes.
I loved it!
FeliX
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I enjoyed how one stanza immediately led into the next. I can't write villanelles to save my life, so to read them, I always get a little envious
Keeping lines at 8 syllables is near impossible for me sometimes, so you've done a great job of it here. Since I'm not real comfortable with the form, I'll just leave me comment at the most basic. I liked it. :
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