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Insomnia

Missing image

Insomnia

O but the shadow in my soul
How could I let her take control?
A darkness that comes over me
The silent scream of my banshee

How did I let her take control?
Consumes my being as a whole
When I lay down to sleep at night
She stalks me with a fearful fright

A darkness that comes over me
When the moon is out and I can’t see
A silent shadow at my door
The shadow of the midnight whore

The silent scream of my banshee
My terror in the ‘enth degree
O sleepless nights that never end
A shadow that is not a friend

 

 

Author notes

option B; shadows

Retourne

Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Asylaarix
    July 18, 2007

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    I really enjoyed this piece ... you put together some serious imagery ... and I could feel it as I was reading ... the background was pleasent ... and the font was unique ... thank you so much for you entry and good luck in the contest ...

    much luv
    smile, it confuses people
    sparkeh


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That's a terrible feeling to have
    during the night. I love the imagery
    and the way you put this together.
    Great work here and thank you very
    much for your entry in my contest.
    I appreciate it and wish you the
    best of luck with it here! Take care
    and keep up the wonderful work!




    Jeremy0826


  • Swan song gold member
    May 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    All I can say is you put so much into your work and it is always very beautiful.


  • Desire gold member
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Holy Moly!!

    I am Happy I went to Your page for I sensed I missed a read
    Ack~ (shame on me)

    What a Powerful piece You have penned and I have yet to try this form but You penned this with ease and
    the emotions You exude~
    Wow!!!!
    Felt the power in each line!!
    Brilliant verse You have penned
    Love the Presentation~~

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent

    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings to You
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • painfully amazing
    May 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow..this is amazing..i loved it...its soo deep..i dont think i blinked once while reading this ...and the song is just perfect for it..at first when the music first started playing and i saw the picture i was wondering..should i be scared? ..but its an amazing piece.. i am truley inspiered...

    nooreo


  • blueyez
    May 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you wrote a poem for me!!!!! I'm speechless


    • Amera gold member
      May 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      LMAO

      You crack me up! Do you think the Banshee is the ICU charge nurse?

      LOL


  • Aeonna
    May 2, 2007

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    DARK MASTERPIECE

    wow, this is great.. very scary thinking of sleeping nightmares.. a frightful masterpiece, o' dark poetess

    red roses


  • PerVirtuous
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Inspirational

    You are fast mastering this form to perfection. The imagery is stunning in this, as the previous commenter stated. Very powerful, yet the language is beautiful and the flow is superb. A grand slam here, baby! Three hyper bunnies to keep you company all night.


  • S D McDaniel
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    impressive

    this is a beautiful, but haunting poem. I love the format, I am not familiar with the Retourne, so I am glad that you added the explanation to me.

    And what a way to describe insomnia. I love the comparison to the banshee... I am taking it to mean the thoughts inside your head that tend to sream at you at night, keeping you awake. I have had that happen to me too many times to count!

    And the shadows here, being the shadows within your own mind... at least that's the way I interpreted it. You could mean the outside shadows that you tend to imagine when you are having a hard time sleeping at night. There are so many ways this poem could be interpreted, and that's very hard to do!

    the flow was excellent, it wafted like a haunting melody... which most of the classical forms do. I think this is an excellent edition to this contest.

    However, I do need to ask you to go back, and put which option you chose in your notes. I am assuming you did the one on shadows, but I can't be sure. And if your poem is one of the winning ones, I wouldn't feel comfortable giving you a trophy if you don't have a poem that clearly follows one of the options.

1 - 10 of 10