The reddened rays of dusky light
spread out across the yawning plains
that sway to lullabies' refrains.
It's time to drift into the night.
The colours fill you with delight,
enchanting with their glorious gleam.
They are the prelude to a dream.
It's time to drift into the night.
The sun soon sunken out of sight,
its warmth has left the empty plain,
and only shadows now remain.
It's time to drift into the night.
The world of dreams is now in sight.
The shadows reached you deep inside
within them is your place to hide.
It's time to drift into the night.
Author notes
Kiusha
A contest entry
- The Form Poetry Championship - Round Three (Invite Only) by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended May 6, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The I'm-sick-of-reading-crap contest. by AutumnsFlame.
507 points, ended May 12, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Truth of Life contest Round ONE by xandercheerios.
450 points, ended June 17, 2007, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot, I have a good doctor
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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wow I can see why this one 2 golds. I definitely look forward to reading more poems of yours with this theme, I can safely say that you are guaranteed to get into the next round. Great job, good luck for the whole contest!
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It's beautiful. I love the way it feels like a lullaby. Very, very nice.
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It's beautiful. I love the way it feels like a lullaby. Very, very nice.
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I liked this as it was literate and lucid with a little touch of romanticism and I shall therefore favouritise you - I hope you will try some of my own poems.
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wonderful
i loved this poem the ryming sceme is great!
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this was an awsome poem! It was so beautiful and peaceful! It should be made into a lulabye! This was great! Congrats at making it to round 3!
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Well done!!! I liked this better than the other poems in my contest because it didn't suck. Thank you VERY much for entering!
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Hm. Well, see, the rhyme scheme in this drives me (and Verfallen) up the wall. I have no idea why. It's just always seemed off to me. Also, I hated that you used sight twice for end-rhyme. Surely there are more things that rhmye with night! Overall, this just isn't really my cup of tea. I did like the sun line that Verfallen mentioned before, though...
thanks for the entry
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Kiusha, What a soothing piece you have penned in this kyrielle. It is very lovely and fills the mind with wonderful imagery. Your refrain line is so soft and I felt as though I was drifting off into that night with it. I loved the choice of rhyme scheme you chose as well. It flowed so softly and leaves such a warm feeling inside. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest. Love and God bless, Joyce
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Soft and beautiful as a lullaby, your soothing words tell of the peaceful night to come. I think your repeat line was perfect. It truly went with every stanza. Thank you for your entry.
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Thank you for your kind words and for the gold. I am really enjoying this series of contests.
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That is very beautiful. I loved the rhyme structure and the way in which you utilised it. (I have trouble sticking to my rhyme pattern). The couplet "spread out across the yawning plains/that sway to lullabies' refrain" is a gem even on its own. The only problem is the unexplained change of tense in the last stanza, but this is a minor qualm.
lovely work.
K. F.
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Well, overall, I'm not a fan of the form. I usually appreciate rhyme in a poem, but this just felt off. I think because it was more structured and it seemed a bit forced to me.
However, "The sun soon sunken out of sight" That line is a great combination of onomatopoeia and alliteration- it really allows that section of the poem to flow.
Your imagery was great, too and the theme was consistent. I think it's an overall very beautiful piece, just not something I personally enjoy. We'll see how fishbone feels about it. -
Think you did an awesome job on this poem. Have never tried this from myself, but might after reading this one. Good flow, nice visuals and it feels as if I am there watching this sunset with you.
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you won't need him. I like it . It makes me see someone curled up on a porch swing , watching the sunset, sipping herbal tea having put the kids to bed.
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