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Broken...Loved

You:

Beautiful
Polite
Strong
Stable
Young
Smart
Rich
Content
Learned
Complete
Loved

Happy.

Me:

Talented
Insecure
Popular
Pretty
Young
Sexy
Hurt
Broken
Lonely
Misused
Misunderstood
Incomplete
Unloved

Unhappy.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Kappa
    August 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This defenately shows characters, Is this suppost to have emotion, or is it a statement, I think it makes a very good statement. Does this form have a name or is it your own invintion.

    . Rewarded 4


  • j-cole
    July 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    intresting

    this clearly show the differences of two people.

  • YoureNoGoodForMe silver member
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.
    This is so uniquely written, but I love it! I especially loved how you at the end of his section you wrote: Happy. And at the end of your's you wrote: Unhappy.
    Even though there's no descriptions in this piece, by the words you used the read [me] can tell that you're broken, while he's out happy and having a good time.
    Wow.
    I am in awe right now! This is ahhmazing! I will definitely have to check out your other poems! <3

    . Rewarded 8


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar gold member
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lonely
    Misused
    Misunderstood
    Incomplete
    Unloved

    Unhappy.


    Humm it is a surprise with peculiar poetry yet very powerful statements here..I love its depth and its truth of the concept my friend..the pain of the muse here revels the secrets of the lonely life in every line here in this write..The pace and the structure of the write softly takes us towards the world of its inner meaning and that is just wonderful my friend...

  • Endeavor gold member
    July 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent


    Very simplistic and stright foward
    which amplifies each word
    and raises them above the page to be herd

    Love it

    Rick

    . Rewarded 4


  • earthstar
    July 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow less is better. This is an excellent write. The words really paint a picture in one pain. The pain could be felt and heard in your words. I truly like the style you wrote this poem. It easy to relate to I feel many humans have had there hearts broke. The comments you have are very good. I want to thank you for taking the time to read my work. I truly appreciate your comments. Have a great day

    • mama-drama
      July 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for commenting too.I appreciate, and I'm glad you liked it.

  • storiesuntold gold member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I feel the same way in muy deepest thoughts. But I never let them surface for I am afraid I wont be able to push them back into hidding well written piece here

  • vanteya37
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Touching

    this made me so sad cause i feel the exact same way but im sure if you look hard enuff you'll find those things in yourself too. congrats on the gold cup. Like the format,its almost a winding path of disbelief in oneself. Short & simple as it should be


  • Billy Kage
    May 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    This poem was bad ass.. I don't get to read alot like this one.. The way you wrote it spelled out a lot about yourself. I hope to read more.


  • 0darkAngel0
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i am unhappy...

    simple but straight to the point
    well done
    thank you for sharing
    and congrats in winning the gold cup

  • paullallady silver member
    May 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I know exactly how you feel, and I think most people do. You are not the only one who thinks everyone else has to be better than we are. I would love to see this expanded into a longer version of this. wonderful job though.


  • Lady-Pegasus
    May 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting piece to be certain, although the list type format is not something I can say that I liked, although it is jes my preference here. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e

  • ultimate beluga
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    could maybe be done slightly more artistically but maybe thats a point you wanted to make?? this is simple but thoughtful. nice work!

    . Rewarded 4

  • sanmder
    May 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good write in easy word

  • Cannonsfire silver member
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I hope this is not the reflection you see in a mirror? For that would be truly sad, but at least you named the positive things firstly, we are of our own making and not other people's perceptions. Inside is a strong and vibrant person with a heart, that is the most important thing, the rest is merely window dressing Love, C

    . Rewarded 6

  • sourav
    May 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's good but I think it would be better if those words made any sentences... Differently written... Nice to read.
1 - 18 of 18