Let not these hankering wings be stilled
or wanderlust go unfulfilled,
deny me not this thirst for freedom
for ‘tis the nectar that I feed on.
Ne’er let my halting heart be burdened
forever grounded, closed and curtained,
my soul must rise above submission,
revoking threads of earthly fission.
My course lain out beyond the stars
a far flung path past moon and mars,
beyond the bounds of time and space
horizons lost in a quantum chase.
Free as the wind all ties ignored
unleashing life’s umbilical cord,
this liberal soul defies well full
the prevailing curb of gravity's pull.
For I am one and one is me
a lone star in the galaxy,
unique to move on wings unfurled
above, beyond restraining world.
Author notes
A contest entry
- INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION by Jeremy0826.
550 points, ended May 3, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I so love the imagery and the depth of this piece. I love poems written in this type of English (have no idea what to call it...) and this one struck me really strongly. I loved the flow of this piece, as well as the rhyming that was way beyond normality. Definately one of the best pieces I've read around here
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This is a great sentiment- to struggle against our bonds as we yearn for freedom. It's well-expressed, with plenty of good imagery. I can feel the pulling, the struggle, but also the inner peace knowing what must be done.
What really strikes me, however, is the amazing job you've done rhyming it. Rhyme is very difficult, but you've pulled it off very well. Nothing seems forced, and you have some rather complex rhymes in there. You've taken something difficult and worked it into something very good.
Congratulations on the great write!
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a good piece of poetry written here, a nice flow and rhythm. space imagery is always good to use in poems i think.
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This is very beautiful and moving.
I love the imagery that flowed
through this one.
Thank you very much for your entry
in my contest. I appreciate it and
wish you the best of luck with it!
Jeremy0826 -
Out of this world write Elfin!
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This moved beautifully while I was reading it. I must admit that I really dislike words like "'tis" and "ne'er". It's like cheating, syllabically speaking. lol. And it ages the poem, so you might lose touch with a contemporary audience. And, because you use words liek "quantum", those antiquated words seem so out of place. But, Other than that nit pick, this was absolutely gorgeous. It moved, the third stanza was intriguing and enchanting, and the flow in the final stanza sumed it up as best as I've seen today
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For I am one and one is me
a lone star in the galaxy,
unique to move on wings unfurled
above, beyond restraining world.
A picture-purrrfect write with fascinating depth! Keep up the good work. -
very beautiful poem!! the words are so beautiful!! Thanks for writting this beautiful poem!! take care!!
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This is absolutely beautiful. The words, phrases and flow, carry us through this on wings that have not gone unfulfilled, thanks to the beauty held within this poem.
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Beautiful! Lovely flow and rhyme, and true freedom in every line. I think gravities should be gravity's in the penultimate stanza.
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hmmmm, this is something, i like it alot, you did a strong and powerful job on this, keep it flowing i liked it. and good luck in the contest
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