Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Unfinished


you'd swear his back would be covered
with crossing scars
since he moves with the cowering steps of a dog
who’s being whipped into a man
or a man being beaten down to a dog




Author notes

Kendall Campbell

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • serenity silvermoon
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was a sad poem it remided me of the one time my brother come home to fid me almost dead because my boyfriend at the time was beating on me and rapeing me at the same time and my brother came in a beat the shit if i didnt wake and poll him off he would of killed him and i told him that i would let him but i didnt want him to go behind bars i told him i would kill myself before that thanks for sharing and god bless you and keep you forever and always


  • Heart Sutra
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Fascinating. In a modern sense it reminds me of a Zen Koan. It has a meaning that is inside the meaning that wraps around itself.


  • Laura
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hummm i actually quite like this its very thought provoking and after a couple of reads i found the imagery amazing very well done to you indeed xxx


  • UnderTheWeepingMoon
    May 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this. I could relate to it very well, except, of course, I am not a man. Though, I imagine that part is or could be metaphorical.

    My ex had issues of "Breaking one down and building them back up to meet his expectations."

    He's a cunt.


  • naked roots
    May 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Personally, I think you have some very strong imagery in this poem. You do so well with short poems, they always seem to say so much.
    Excellent...


  • Tangled Angle
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was very complex- simplistic poem.
    Because of what the rubric asked for, you have lost some points because of no imagery, and a not so catchy title. As for everything else, you carried the metaphor out very well in such a short amount. If you can keep your style up, and give even just a little imagery, you will do better.
    For what this is, I think it was great.


    • Kendall Campbell
      May 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. I was hoping to expand on it more before the judging but have been drawing a blank.

1 - 7 of 7