Hmm Hmm Hmm
He's humming a sweet song while you rest
Tied up with chains cold air on your breasts
Oh sweet darling, His fingers through your dirty blond hair
Oh my baby Your locked in his stare
You freeze as the icicles run through your veins
He laughs as you tremble at his finger tips grace
"Today, not tomorrow, for tomorrows already gone"
He takes in your scent
And he pulls out his razor blade
"Close your eyes. darling, don't be afraid"
The gag muffles your scream as he takes your skin
Slicing it gently and pulling it away
No way to compare the pain that your in
"Breathe deeply sweet heart, It's just for today"
He carves out your eyes and you frail your arms
"Hush little baby, be daddy's charm"
With his tongue he licks out the blood
And with his knife he has more fun
Takes needles to your lips
And sews them shut
The blood how it drips
"Such a pretty little slut"
He sticks you in acid your face blisters and fries
"Don't worry my lovely now you don't have to cry"
They couldn't hear you, So you can't hear them either
Just like that your ears are gone with a chop
Poor dead 8 year old child taken from her bus stop
He rapes you
and leaves your corpse to decay
Humming again he walks away
Author notes
Also to clear this up, this isnt based on anything real. There are similar things that have happened, but this isnt real it is somthing i made up based on a dream i had. And here is the made up story behind it.
He loves his father, wants to make him happy (twisted old guy)
Father abused mother, now son is a cerial rapist/murder
With much younger victums because he wants them to fit his age (He was 8 when his father killed his mother)
Name:sleepinginblackrain
This is so twisted i watch to much tv. I guess like CSI Criminal minds gone wrong?
A contest entry
- GENRE/OPTIONS/24 HOUR CONTEST by gothicchildren05.
525 points, ended July 29, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this is exactly like something straight out of Law and Order:SVU. it's sick, twisted, and disgusting...but sadly, things like this do happen. I hate how innocent young children end up being the victims but it happens in reality as much as we like to hide it all. I don't understand how someone could be so sick and twisted but then again things from the past trigger it all. all of those sick men need help and should seek it. this is a good piece because I did ask for mystery type horror crime and I mentioned I liked Law and Order:SVU. so, this hits the show pretty hard and pretty close to some of the cases. thank you for entering and good luck.
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Such a bright wallpaper for such a dark poem.
The poem shocked me, but in a good way, if you catch what I'm trying to say. -
thanks for entering my contest.
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Quite unpleasant and I shall give it a little blood-stained clap of applause for that. You would do well to proof read a little more carefully.
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fucking hell ...
jeez, don't mind my language but this is excessively dark. What made this more creepier is that happy background you chose! I mean, I've always hated that background but gosh.
Really really dark - almost don't want to read it but I had to.
Good Luck in the contest and thank you for entering
Never ♥ -
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haha well that is what i was going for.
Yeah sorry for the darkness
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i would liek to thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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wholly chicken doodily sheepdogeating a peanut. That was my attempt at not swearing, this is full on, really intense, good, and felt a little cliched in places, only where the rhythem could use some work. it is really good, one of mine that is kinda to this theme is "just like her" you may have to look for it, it is pretty old, but if you write like this, you should like it
keep in touch, and keep writing like tha mthafkn messiah
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A few grammatical errors, and you, like so many others...have forgotten the no plain bgs rule...and, to prove how sick and twisted I am, I'd like to admit that I do really like this...Although, you did go from a lot of detail to almost none...anyways, great job and good luck in the contest!
~Avan -
one word for this poem, AMAZING. it gave me chills and kept me on my toes the whole time, i absolutly love it ^_^
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YAY!
GO YOU! And i agree with your Cannibal Corpse comment. DEFINITNELY A GOOD BAND! I just recently got another album from them -
Wow, this was really good. Very chilling though. Wow...this pretty much left me speechless. Thanks for entering and bet of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
*shudders*..........
Well you definetly moved my emotions there. A+ for that.... I really don't know what else to say... This was pretty darn good... At the begining, I wasn't really sure about it, but it picked up. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest. -
you have such a vivid imagination of what that guy did to those little children.. it sucks that its a true story, butr this would be devestating.. that would kill someone from the inside out.. i liked it good luck in the contest
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IT says....
i didn't comment but i did. Once again, an amazing piece. -
WOW
THIS PIECE IS FUCKIN AMAZING!!!!! i mean, wow.....it left me speechless and holding my breath all the way through, that spells a good write! You've got talent
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This was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. That was probably one of the creepiest ideas I had ever seen anyone think of.
'He takes in your sent
And he pulls out his razor blade
"Close your eyes. darling, don't be afraid"'
You illustrate the man as gentle through his words, but awful through his actions.
The rhyme scheme in certain areas was also interesting, I am glad you didn't use rhyme throughout the entire poem- but just in certain areas.
You did a good job in illustrating everything you meant to say.
This write was amazing. Awesome.
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