My Granddad’s Ghost – a Non-Entry Protest.
My granddad is a sorry ghost
and now he’s getting bored..
The one thing that he hates the most
is just to be ignored.
He floats around the castle hall
and tries to haunt Hugh’s harem
but, as they pay no heed at all,
completely fails to scare ‘em.
When groaning, howling, rattling chains
and loud hullabullooing,
he gets upset when none abstains
from what it is they’re doing.
His footsteps on the creaky floors
and moaning late at night;
the gusts of wind and banging doors
are meant to induce fright.
And when he bares his naked bones
and rattles them in rage,
accompanied by fearful groans
one should respect his age.
Yet, even when with icy chill,
he makes the lights grow dim,
it hurts his pride that no one will
pay slightest heed to him.
If even children he can’t daunt,
he feels he might as well
abandon his attempts to haunt
and just stay in his cell.
He doesn’t even scare the bats
that roost within the tower;
and Dee, with all the castle cats,
won’t let him in her bower.
Angelica is very kind
and so is Am8ur.
They always try to leave behind
a glass of scotch, for sure.
My granddad always had a dream
that he would meet Maureen.
However, that would only seem
a thing that might have been.
Yem was the one who upset most
my granddad’s ghostly feelings,
by claiming that the castle ghost
was just cucumber peelings.
I think my granddad might expect
a bit more posthumous respect..
Hugh R. May 1st. 2007.
Author notes
This is rated PG. Parental guidance is recommended for all ages.
In a list
- Huguelot Castle Capers • next in list
- Ballads, Epics & History • next in list
- Huguenauties Poetry (NE) • next in list
A contest entry
- FOR HUGH WYLES FAVOURITE’S GROUP ONLY # 11 by huguenauties.
800 points, ended May 12, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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great write...love the humour...
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OOhh I loved this
Your poor Grandaddy. He only wants some love and affection. Give him a hug next time you see him and he will then rest in peace. LOL I have added you to my favourites
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I fear the irascible Sir Ima disagrees with most palates.
Thus, I now suggest that your grandad was not cucumber peelings but the result of eating those cucumber peelings...a sort of spectral indigestion. The ghostly boos they hear are emanating from their upset tummies. If this is the case, a good antacid should work to rid the person who sees your grandad's ghost.
I never eat cucumber peelings because my grandfather was a miserable old coot and I have no wish to see him before the proper due time...hopefully at least 50 years from now.
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Gwanpa it is really late and I gotta get up early I'll be back tomorrrow to read this and other entries
wuvsya
Mia -
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Dear Mia,
OK. I'se waitin' round the corner for ya.
Wuvs ya 2 in great steaming heaps!
Grampa.
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How on earth did I miss this ghostly tale? Very scary indeed but humorous all the same. Will you hold my hand dear King Hugh as I walk the castle halls in case your Grandad comes to call? Did he introduce you to boobology by any chance? LOL. Excellent write as always.
Kia ora e arohanui,
Petratani
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Dear Petra,
I don't remember my granddad having any cigarette cards with boobs. I was first introduced to boobology by my mother and my wet-nurse.
kia ora e arohanui, hue R.
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groaning, howling, rattling chains
A noble man your grandfather is not
He tries too hard to scare
and I for one could not give a damn
I've seen him lurking there
So dear hugh go tell him
to pull his bones together
settle down and explore the skies
a good flight should make him feel better
Tell him there is more up there than in our castle dim
You should be able to do it
then we will be rid of him
Humbly with respect
xxxxxxx
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Dear Janice,
Actually, my grandfather (Ernest Henry) was, in life, a perfect gentleman. He always wore a frock coat and striped trousers to prove it. He also had some wonderful collections of cigarette cards which he used to let me look at: Birds eggs, military uniforms, Indian chiefs' headdresses, trains, horses and carriages - you name it, he had it.
Your suggestion would be unworkable because he always had a great fear of heights and wouldn't even go near an airplane so I think exploring the skies would be out for him. He never collected cigarette cards with planes or clouds or flying birds on them.
Thanks for trying though. I think if Dee can find his lost ring he'll settle down. Meanwhile we just have to ignore him.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh R.
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If you recall, my dear Hugh, 'twas I who took pity on this dear soul and helped him look for his ring. We're still looking but feel we're getting clser to the ring and it's secret.
Oh, it's true that sometimes I need to put a slight hold on this degenerate old man but he is mere mortal, after all and will someday be at rest.
An interesting take on him, though, my friend
Dee
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Dear Dee,
I don't know what is going on here! I went to reply to your comment and now it's disappeared!
Of course I recall your tireless search for granddad's ring. It will be wonderful if you can find it so that the old chap can R.I.P at last.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh R. -
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That's weird, Hugh... looks like grandad's ghost is playing tricks on us. I just looked and I see my comment has been deleted. But since I'm a mod I can see it down below where all the other comments are... in the dungeon... hmmm... maybe Yem has a deal with the ghost to open up the dungeon for him to throw in the comments he doesn't like
Anyway, I'll retrieve it if I can, if not I'll copy and paste it
Dee
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Dear Dee,
Great. I see you managed to retrieve it. Thanks.
Please keep searching for that dang ring? I know he didn't swallow it coz it doesn't show in his bones (which Renee thinks are 'sexy'!)
Hope all is well with you and Sal.
XXX Hugh.
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What can be worse to a ghost than not be feared by anyone? Your granddad's ghost seems too friendly to be around haunting castles. Maybe we should put on a party for him and make him believe that we are all scared.
Loved the rhythm and the nice humour you brought with this one.
Loves de tu hija,
Mari
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Muy querida hija,
I think your idea of a party for granddad is superb.
Perhaps you and Tess could organise a haiku party for him with lots of icecream. A blob of icecream down everyone's neck would get some screams going and that should make granddad happy. I can't scream but I could sneeze and cough!!
Love and hugs, XXX El Padre.
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Ok, now I am tying a cross, a palm leaf, some garlic, a dreamcatcher, and loading my flipper thingie with a silver nail...oh, oh, and I am packing a hammer.
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Fun read!
Dear Hugh,
If your grandad visits me,
I'll be sure to react with
my loudest scream...
which might scare him a bit
since he's not used to it.
I'll give him what he expects
to show him my greatest respect.
Love and hugs,
Maureen
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HMMM! And where was I? Grandpa Wyles and I get along very well, in fact it was I who helped him think of what tricks to play on the others. And I helped him drink the Scotch that angelica and An8ur left him.
And Yem upset him no end saying he was cucumber peelings. He cried and cried and cried
I took him back to his room in the dungeon and told him not to take any notice of anyone.
A bewdy of a poem Hugh. LOVED IT!
love Jen.
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this was exciting to read, I loved it. it is very brillantly written. amazing job.
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Charming
"Dee, with all the castle cats,
won’t let him in her bower."
I will have a talk with Dee
And all the castle cats
And see if we can't all agree
To put out all our "Welcome" mats.
Grandpa Wyles deserves respect
For one thing that he did,
For your grandpa did not neglect,
To do what led to his grandkid!
Tiki Cat
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Poor grandpa Wyles
Dear Hugh,
OHHH Your poor Granddad he does feel neglected at times. Am8ur and I do try to help him as much as we can. And dee's catz like playing with him. HMMM but Yem did upset him saying that about him. He is quite a character though and I can't help but like him.
A great poem my friend
Love Bea
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PS I hope that you and Edna feel better quickly!
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Smiles
Poor old Granddad gets no earthly fun in the afterlife! This was a delight to read, from start to finish, with good imagery and gentle fun. The meter changed in Maureen's stanza, otherwise great ballad meter throughout. It's a good thing we don't have to compete with you, Hugh!
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Dear Margaret,
Thanks for the heads up on meter. Just shows what can go wrong when you try to write while you're ill.
Have fixed it now and hope MOWMAM approves?
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh. -
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MOWMAM approves. Get well soon.
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If you are like your grandpa ghost
He should be cherished as the host
And given proper rights to fright
In sun of day or dark of night
With chains clanging reality
He frightens poetryality
But then she fears most everything
Especially when there's clamoring
So don't be worried even a bit
Your granddad's ghost doesn't have to split
Can leave his cell whene're he wants
I am the poet that loves his haunts
I think he's got the sexy bones
For granddad ghost I've got a jones
LOVE YOU ♥
Renee
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