The wind has grabbed hold once again
Momentum pushing me back against the wall of the city
Every city has a wall
Holding people back
Letting their minds be filtered with what is proper.
Forcing them to abide by a set of standards, comply with laws, and give up any form of individual identity
Every city has windy days
Pulling your wayward
Pressure pushing your limits
Until your up against a wall
Back to the world while facing you life
Buildings tumble, children weep, widows mourn, infants sleep.
With every new event, A promise is formed that life will change
But the promise is broken and the thought fades away
They disintegrate into the busy street
No respect for one another
Our souls are no longer that deep
It has become quite custom to follow a path already paved
It is as if our eyes have been shaved
Scales blocking our view
From seeing that our reality is any thing but
True
So please do me a favor, i ask this of you
Never stay in a city, only pass through
Author notes
The world, Marvolous place though it is
Conformity overwhelms it
We are all pushed back up against walls wether or not we want to be there
A contest entry
- The Way of the World by abernaith.
550 points, ended May 8, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How might i improve?
Comments
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reads almost like a paragraph in an article or paper. there are some grammatical errors that are not pretty to look at, though i'm still open to the possibility of it being intentional to mean something. i just don't see it at this time. there are too many structured sentence lines in this for my taste. i feel a poem is more minimalistic. thanks for entering.
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For some reason, I am reminded of the NatGeo article I read recently about the walls put up on the US-Mexico border. Walls are cruel, but they are necessary. Once, we put up walls to keep out beasts. Since we now put up walls to keep out our fellowmen, our neighbours, does this mean then that man is the most dangerous beast of all? It's sad and unfortunate, but it's part of the dual reality man lives. It is in man's nature to be cautious, reserved. After all, he is a survivor. But he is also naturally open and trusting, for he is a social creature.
This question is for all us humans: Seriously, how can we live with ourselves?
For this piece, all in all, it's quite good. It needs to be trimmed and tightened, for maximum impact. I want to feel the wind, how does it "grab hold" of the persona? And I have a problem with some capitalization, particularly in this line:
Buildings Tumble, Children weep, Widows mourn, Infants sleep.
Why did you choose to capitalize some of the words? There is no consistent pattern even...
Thank you for entering! Best of luck!
Sincerely,
abernaith
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