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Where Does The Sun Go At Night?

Sunrise, as I wake to dark,
Dawn breaks and my feet sweat,
My head lays softly on your bed,
And hours pass away,

Frightful moments in the night,
These dreams of you can pierce the light,
Hide the flashlight, I'll get stronger this way,
As the night returns to day,

Let me love you while I sleep,
Let me hold you while I weep,
Make me restless, take my breath away,
Tell me everything you'll ever need to say,

Discussion come from speech,
About the warm sands of the beach,
And if love is real,
Or as good as we think,

And your eyes, they penetrate me,
And your smile vindicates me,
Are twenty hours far too short,
For us to part?

But you'll leave, I'll give my dues,
And I'll find your missing shoes,
And I'll return them in four hours,
When I come again with flowers.

Author notes

Dear Katie,
Erm...The maracas move with tamborines as Super Craig swoops down from the sky...basically.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments


  • RawrrKat
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lol, *Super Craig(?)*!!

    Thank you for entering my contest. THis piece, I liked parts of it some much and I loved the message in whole but some parts sounded a bit out of wack you know?

    I think you poem as a wole would be entirely stronger if you re-thought the fourth stanza and the middle of the second, They don't flow so much with me. But it's your poem, don't let me offend you, you write well!

    Thank you again!

    ~Katie