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Pretty Little Twisted Hollow Girl

Despairing ribbons of lace, pretty as sin,
adorn her slight shade of a figure
Hard as nails, her silence only hints at her sadness
but she is able to create such a pure tone of sorrow 
An abject melody, that is both fragile and strong
it screams of her damage, her forlorn and desolate heart
Every song is but a Sliver of her Heartache

This delicate Slip of a Girl begs you to take it
to ease her pain, she reaches down
into her very marrow, and gives away
pieces of herself with each note

This Living Dead Girl dances to a different beat
music is her Shelter, the Home she never knew
Now wistfully forsaken, each note is her sustenance
her nourishment of this life, she leads, that she never asked for

Each night she plays a Symphony so full of Lament 
it fills her Empty and Hallow soul if only momentarily
but the peace she finds - it lasts shorter each time
“Why is this happening?” she asks herself
Held down and almost suffocating on the Booze Sunken Pills
She lifts her head, whispers with a smile “But The Vodka Doesn’t Burn”

Her vises she will hold oh so tight, if only to shield herself
from the Rusted Bullets life seems to throw at her
Just try to tell her you care for her, as you take from her, her sins

Go ahead and Council her of the Suffocation and Numbness
she is causing both to her body and her soul
As she vehemently looks up at you with her Black Eyes Shining
“And Your Lies Are The Chains That Suffocate You”
And as she Throws  these words at you like Ragged Daggers
you realize that she is really speaking of your own downfall
and that this is the only truth she knows of . . . 
It Doesn’t Matter, Nothing Matters Anymore

Author notes

Prompt: “And Your Lies Are The Chains That Suffocate You”

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Candy Morphine
    November 15, 2008

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    [abject] --never heard that word before. interesting.

    i thought the 4th line was the best line. such emotional sorrow.

    **vodka doesnt burn** -LOVE these 3 words. put together they create such a bittersweet atomsphere.

    --rusted bullets-- scream pain.

    & the =lines with ""= FABOULOUS!! feeling of beautiful suffocation.

    the last three lines have great rhyme. powerful.

    ^shhh^ -dont tell anyone. BUT,,, This is the BEST in the contest!!!


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very well done prose - the title
    is what captured my attention
    and brought me here - i love the
    background but it sort of distracts
    from the poem - my only critique
    Love, Lane


  • hawkeslake gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yes, a story, but it does flow like a poem, and I too like your uneven capitalization -- stops us in mid-thought! Also, I noticed that you put "hallow" instead of "hollow" but since "hallow" means "holy" it seemed to me just as apt a description of her soul as empty, whether or not she knows this... very sad, but I suspect, a precise description of a very sad person... thank you for sharing.


  • Kochibo
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice imagery, your use of capitalization was intriguing. In the 4th stanza I believe, you say "Empty and Hallow", and I think you may mean Hollow, which is different. Just to add some constructive feedback, if you meant to say that.

    Alicia


  • Immer Leben
    May 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice. A little...I don't know...it should be more of a poem, no offense. It's really good. Nicely written, and all. Just...it's more like a short story.
    Thanks for entering my contest.



    ~S~


  • Sabindi
    May 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Ohmygosh

    This is a truly profound write and very hard hitting and powerful. You did an outstanding job in penning this one. Your metaphors are excellent, the flow really great and the whole poem very creative indeed. Best of luck in this contest. You have my vote!!
    Hugs and blessings.
    Marilyn

  • Nicole Hanna
    May 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice picture you've painted here. I really liked the title... "Hollow Girl" was a great image. The opening line is strong and, though the piece is a little wordy in parts, it was a story I really felt involved in before I reached the end. That speaks a lot to the intensity of the words you've chosen. I liked this one.

1 - 7 of 7