A million miles or more he flew
Through coldest, darkest, deepest space.
The stars afar just wouldn't do,
They can't compare to her fair face.
He pushed aside the evening cloud
Perchance to find his paramour.
His flight was sure, his aim was proud,
No need to take the wrong detour.
And there, upon the ground she lay,
Awaiting light beyond the sky
To rouse her gentle waves to spray
Upon the shores, her belt untie.
His touch, the catalyst of time
And space to give her wakeful state,
As gentle as the growth of rime,
As needful as the hand of fate,
Upon the smoothness of her edge
It fell at last, and did she rise?
He, crying at remembered hedge
Betwixt his love and his own skies,
Thus knows that they shall never be
Together, still he can't release
Himself from love, he is not free
As not his love, they know no peace.
And thus they must forever play
Until the last: the Final Day.
Author notes
Written July 23rd, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- (CLOSED FOR JUDGING)~*~Love between two non-living things~*~ by sarahspoeticheart.
250 points, ended July 26, 2003, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Beautiful love story
Wonderful in the way that you presented this. The words just seemed to flow from the pen. The imagination that you leave the reader with is just awsome. Take care, Lissa -
Very deep and very meaningful. One of the best I have read in a long time.
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nice write
Beautiful job dear. You're poetry is just so wonderful; you have an extrordinary gift. I love the imagery in this piece, your choice of words, and the flow. Again Great job!
xoxo
~laura -
Great poem! Very very perfect. It's a very lovely poem with lovely imagery and symbolism. Very metaphorical. I love it! :applauds: Your rhyme and flow is flawless. Keep up the great work!
God bless you,
~~~~~
Erika ~~~~~
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What? Only one applaud? You should have a million! Sorry, was just showing you off to a friend again. I wish you would write more poetry like this. It's still one of my favorites, so I come back to read it every now and then. (One of the few that I understand)
Edited on May 18, 6:33 p.m. because 'Cus he's Graham Grammerton'. -
Exquisite
Watching moonlight on a nearby river, I've been at a loss for words to capture the beauty, but your poem makes me feel it as if I were there watching it unfold over the lake. Not only the beauty do you paint, but the paradox of eternity and time. It makes me uneasy, the way mysteries often do!
Edited on Nov 02, 9:27 because ''. -
Oh hon, I love the way you write. This is beautiful. It flowed so well. It was great, great rhyming...everything great.
~*Destiny*~ -
Good Job
I think you did a pretty good job with this. It has a good flow and you descriptions bring images to my minds eye. This is what writing is all about. -
sound like romeo and juliet to me. I love it. Its rhymes which always rocks
and the wording is just, amazing. Keep up the good work, you are a great writer!
Sarah
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This is a very good poem. The ryhme and meter are very good, the imagery is wonderful. Also, I like that you mention moonlight and the lake in the title, but not in the poem. I think a title can be just as important as some of the lines in the poem itself. The only negative comment I have is that the word "detour" sounds a little out of place, but when you have to ryhme, you have to ryhme.
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Perfectly beautiful
This is beautiful. I would agree that it is much like my "Moonlight Dancer", but that might imply that they were rendered with comparable skill...so, I must decline the comparison as this far outshines mine. Funny how our minds ran to such similar themes though. Awesomely done piece. Rhyme, meter, and imagery perfectly wonderful. What can I say? You surpassed yourself on this one...and THAT is something truly amazing. Thanks so much for directing me here. Sure wouldn't have wanted to miss this beauty.
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congats!!!!*****ten stars for you
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Oh yes this was a lovely piece, I too read it twice through... I can see this so clearly, and a beautiful image it brings to mind!
A deserved win here. Congratulations! -
Beautiful
This is so beautiful and symbolic. It could represent so many things, where to start, I don't know. I really enjoyed this. You definetly deserved to win. I am off to find more of your poems, I hope there are some
Thank you for entering this.
~Betty~ -
This was a most beautiful and unique piece. I want to thank you for entering this, for it surely is one of my favorites. The moonlight and the lake... How lovely. I enjoyed the way that you truly described the love between the two of them, even though there was no way that they could ever truly be together. Yet, the moonlight still comes and the lake still awaits. Wow... Just simply amazing.
Your rhymes were perfect in this and it flowed so well in my mind. A little secret between us, I had to read this a few more times. I just loved it.
Thanks so much for entering and good luck~
Lady Sarah~
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